There are lots of ways to ensure that your marriage becomes and remains a deeply fulfilling relationship that brings deep-seated contentment to you and your spouse. If you’re an avid reader or Internet user you’ve most likely come across many articles,books & blogs reminding you of what your marriage needs more of. As with everything in life we sometimes get so caught-up in trying to focus on what to put in that we ignore the things that need to be removed. And knowing what needs to be removed from a certain aspect of your life is just as important as knowing what to put in.
If you’re interested in bringing a new level of serenity to your marriage, here are 2 things it definitely doesn’t need.
To be one-half of a relationship whose very premise is unconditional love, your heart must have no place for hatred. You can’t love completely if hatred has a home in your heart. Regardless of how much a person justifies his/her hatred for someone else, that very same hatred will gradually rob him/her of inner-serenity. I’m not only talking about hatred towards your spouse. I’m referring to every single type of hatred.
Make it your task to confront & conquer the hatred/resentment you have towards people from your past. Work through the anger you feel towards the people around you. Anger is like a blazing inferno that destroys peace of mind. For you and your spouse to craft a marriage that is defined by love,peace & understanding, walk away from the fire of hatred.
Too many couples spend their lives evading responsibility and looking for new ways to pass the buck onto each other. Not only in marriage, but in almost every other sphere of our lives we’ve become addicted to blaming others for situations we bring upon ourselves. Maybe we like to blame because it absolves us of any accountability?
Blaming your husband/wife for the state of your marriage,finances,health etc. does nothing to improve your situation.It only increases the resentment in his/her heart. It’s just another way to hurt your spouse. When you stop blaming, you can start making progress.
4 Things No Marriage can do Without
Someone once told me that if there’s one word to explain what a marriage is,that word would be ‘understanding’. All strong relationships – not just marriages – are built upon solid foundations of understanding. Your spouse needs you to take the time to see things his/her way. Your spouse needs you to make time for him/her. A large number of problems arise simply because of a lack of understanding by either one or both spouses. Bear in mind that your point of view is not necessarily always correct. It is important to listen to your spouse even when you don’t agree with him/her.
What may be simple for you, could be difficult for him/her to adapt to. You may consider something to be trivial which could be of importance to your husband/wife. Take the time to try and understand him/her. Do this daily.
2.Time to Grow
Every marriage will experience highs and lows. For a marriage to be fulfilling, both spouses need to give love a chance. They need to look at their marriage as a work-in-progress. There are no perfect situations and no perfect people. If your attention is drawn to something that you don’t like about your spouse, remind yourself that there are very possibly certain things which your spouse may dislike about you yet he/she also manages to give love a chance to grow.
Never let one fault or mistake of your spouse influence your opinion of the entire marriage.
Both you and your spouse are human. You will both err. This is human nature. Your spouse may hurt your feelings, he/she may disappoint you or let you down. This does not mean that you are not loved, it means that your spouse is human.
If you forgive your spouse for something, never view it as a favour. Instead remember that you yourself may one day require the forgiveness of your spouse. Tables can turn very quickly in life. You are not in a competition, you’re not here to prove you’re better or wealthier or more intelligent than him/her; you’re here to craft a life together. A life that will experience health and illness, failure and success,happiness and grief, but most of all let it experience love.
4.Lots of Conversations
One of the major complaints made by individuals in marriages experiencing some difficulty is, “We don’t talk anymore. We live in the same house yet he/she doesn’t know what I’m going through in my life”.
Many couples find that as time passes, the amount of time spent in conversation,lessens. Make the time (and I say ‘make’ because you will never ever ‘find’ the time) to sit down with your spouse and just talk. Talk about your dreams and your fears. Ask your spouse about his/her day. Talk about anything, just maintain the connection to your spouse’s heart by talking with him/her regularly.
Naturally a marriage needs far more than just these 4 things. As time passes one will find innumerable lessons along the way. Use life’s lessons to build a fulfilling relationship with your spouse.