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‘Can you’ or ‘Will you’



Men like to solve problems and fix things…we all know that. That need is deep rooted in everything they do. A woman should appeal to this type of personality by asking him to help her solve problems. This type of treatment can be very useful when you want to ask your husband to get something done, like let’s say a chore around the house.

So instead of commanding your husband to do something, appeal to his intelligence.

For example, author Nancy C. Anderson writes, “Instead of saying ‘Clean up your camping stuff, this garage is a mess!’ Try, ‘I’d like your help with something. Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping supplies?'”

Keep in mind, men love to do things that are appreciated, and hate to do things that are demanded.

Giving excessive instructions, criticizing him, and nagging till it gets done will make him feel more like a slave than a trusted and loved partner. So if you want him to clean the garage, ask once and ask politely, according to Anderson.

Comedian Steve Harvey writes in his book Straight Talk no Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man, “I understand that many women don’t quite care to embrace the idea that the burden of getting the union they want rests squarely on their shoulders, but it is what it is. You’ve been blessed with this tremendous skill set that we men do not possess, and it is those skills that you absolutely, unequivocally have to employ to get what you want. Change your approach, take back your power and hold your chin up while you’re working on getting the love you deserve.
You can be part Miss America part Miss Toll House but once you start nagging we’re simply not interested. You know what’s flashing in our minds, your transformation into a big evil monster. It doesn’t matter how tiny or cute you are… You become a six feet tall 450 pound troll head with a Darth Vader voice.”

When you want something done by a man he suggests five things in his book: Adjust your tone, let your man get to what needs to be done in his on time, choose your battles, understand what’s a priority for men, and whatever you do don’t take over the tasks especially, with an attitude.

“What would be most helpful in getting us to this mutual place of understanding is if you simply asked nicely and explained why you need something done not now, but right now,” he writes.

John Gray, author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus says that, “Men love to prove their worth through the things they do, but they generally wait to be asked, and take a long time to learn to offer their services unsolicited. Women should therefore control their expectations of men being able to anticipate their needs, ask for help without making it sound like a demand because they resent the need to do so, and appreciate the help they receive even though it needed to be requested first.”

He goes on to say that women should avoid requesting help from a man in a way that either doesn’t sound like a clear request, or carries implicit criticism that he should have already done it. Questions that begin with the words ‘Could you’ or ‘Can you’ are often interpreted by men as questioning their abilities, and they therefore respond more positively to the same questions if they begin instead with ‘Would you’ or ‘Will you’. The difference may seem small, but it can feel as different as the man saying ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ in response to the request.

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