Maulana Khalid Dhorat
What of the world are you attached to: status, money, fashion, property? Attachments need not be only something materialistic, it can be an over-attachment to people too. Really, is it a crime to be over-attached to anyone? Yes, it can be if that attachment is more than your attachment to Allah and your trust in that attachment is more than your trust in Allah.
Think about someone you love, someone you care about, someone you can’t really imagine your life without. What if that person stopped talking to you, what would become of you? If that relationship ended and they effectively cut you out of their life, how much time would you need to get over it? Well, this happens to people whether it is their spouse, their mother, their best friend, or just someone in their life who they care deeply for. Such deeply attached people suddenly stop being productive. Hours, days, months, and even years may pass by wastefully in depression. If a person you cared about no longer wants you in their life, how do you let go and move on?
When people are anxious and depressed, they mope around and are unable to eat, sleep, think or do anything. They spend their time dwelling on the past, thinking about what went wrong, what could have been done differently, the arguments, the emotions etc. However, all of this can be used as a catalyst for change. It can be used as an opportunity to cut off anything that is no longer benefiting you, thereby getting closer to Allah. Mankind sometimes needs these painful reminders as to who is dependable and who is not. Here are a few more other examples on how we can remain detached from the world and its entrapments:
Sayyadina Abu Hurairah (Radiallahu ‘Anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: ‘Frequently remember the destroyer of pleasures,’ meaning death.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
If you are spending a lot of time trying to move on from a disappointed relationship, then remembering death will make you realize the value of time. Death puts into perspective how much time you are wasting. As morbid as it sounds, whenever a situation becomes very dramatic or intense, remind yourself that one day we are all going to die.
Always remember that we are going to be buried under the ground one day, and that we are going to be asked about every hour we spent in our life. Think about the hours, days and months of wasted time that you spent moping, regretful and wondering why things didn’t work out. All that time that you spent doing nothing thinking about someone else, you will have to answer Allah Ta’ala for.
Many of us have responsibilities and deadlines, so we need to remember that when something upsets us, our exams aren’t going to wait until we feel better nor are our responsibilities and deadlines going to pause whilst we take time to get over someone. Really evaluate whether the time spent moping is actually worth it.
Don’t resort to music and movies:
This is one of the worst things a person can do. When people are sad, they feel that music or movies relate perfectly to their life. It drowns their problems and gives them a shoulder to cry on. As a result, their emotions can become artificially manipulated to make them feel like their situation is worse than it actually is. Indulging in these activities brings no benefit to the already struggling believer. It opens the door for Shaytan to distract them even more. Instead, listen to things that will uplift you, motivate you and fill you with optimism and positivity.
Fill the void by remembering Allah Ta’ala:
As humans, we naturally try to fill a void in our life by replacing it with something similar or something temporary that will give us momentary happiness. Some will seek the company of others, in some cases binge ice creams and chocolate, so-called ‘comfort foods’ whilst some would just recede quietly into a corner. Allah Ta’ala says: “Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” (Chapter 13, Verse 28)
Let your tongue become moist with the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala who has given us more blessings than we can ever imagine. Don’t be ungrateful by allowing someone to blind you from the beautiful blessings that surround you. Don’t dwell on the past by thinking about how things could have gone differently. Rather, accept the situation that you are now in and realize that it is out of your hands. You can’t change how people feel, so instead trust in Allah Ta’ala.
If a relationship isn’t benefiting you or drawing you closer to Allah, then perhaps it is time to sever it. Sometimes you outgrow people, or you grow apart but it shouldn’t paralyze you. Maybe this happened for a reason that you don’t know yet, as Allah Ta’ala reassuringly says: “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Chapter 2, Verse 216)
Don’t remind people of your favors on them
Allah Ta’ala says: “O you who have believed, do not invalidate your charities with reminders or injury as does one who spends his wealth [only] to be seen by the people and does not believe in Allah and the Last Day…” (Chapter 2, Verse 264)
When we are hurt, we sometimes like to remind people of everything we have done for them to somehow justify our anger toward them, as if they are indebted to us. Don’t let your good deeds be wiped away with the slip of your tongue. Don’t do things for other people if you expect loyalty from them. Instead, do them solely for Allah Ta’ala – that way even if people let you down, on the Day of Judgment, you will see all those good deeds making your scales heavier.
We sometimes also neglect life truths. We all know that throughout life, people will hurt us, and a lot of times, it is the people closest to us who cause us the most pain. So rather than allow our tongue to strip us of our good deeds, why not accept what we know and ask Allah Ta’ala for patience and strength during difficult times?
Invest in your self-development
Don’t waste time, don’t waste time, and don’t waste time. The time that you spend watching movies, wondering why your life didn’t turn out the way that you wanted and feeling sorry for yourself…you will regret it in the long term. If you are fortunate enough to have access to education, a bed to sleep in at night and food to eat, you are better off than many people in the world!
When you think about the amount of time you waste in pointless activities, ask yourself: how much Qur’an could you have memorized? How much more studying could you have done for exams? What new skills could you have learned in that time? How much more quality time could you have spent with your family? Pick up a hobby, whether it’s a sport, learning a new language or something in crafts. Be productive. The older you become, the more responsibilities you will have, meaning you will have less free time, so take advantage of the time you have now by becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.
In conclusion, letting go of people we care about is difficult, especially if it’s not something that we wanted to happen. But don’t let it affect the way you spend your productivity. Allah Ta’ala says so beautifully: “By time, indeed man is in loss. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds, and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.” [Qur’an: Chapter 103, Verses 1-3]
Leave whatever is out of your control to Allah Ta’ala and keep bettering yourself with every minute as no one knows when their life will end.
In a beautiful hadith it is narrated that Sayyadina ‘Abdullah ibn Umar (Radiallahu ‘Anhu) used to say: “When you survive till the evening, do not expect to live until the morning; and when you survive until the morning, do not expect to live until the evening; (do good deeds) when you are in good health before you fall sick, and (do good deeds) as long as you are alive before death strikes.” [Bukhari]