Life is about choices…Some we are proud of while others we may regret. We are human and not perfect and how often we make decisions we desperately wis h could be undone? To overcome, learn and move forward requires Allah Ta’alas help and lots of courage.
There was a husband who woke up early in the morning and found his wife praying for him. He stared at her. For the past few months, they have been arguing. During the past days, she hasn’t been cooking for him. But this morning he got a shock. He found breakfast already set at the table. He ate. He went back to the bedroom, to prepare for a shower.
“Assalamualaykum. Have a blessed day” she said as she entered the bedroom and he left for the bathroom. After his shower, all dressed up for work; he found his wife at the kitchen, eating breakfast in peace. She was looking at some funny messages on her phone and giggling. He looked at her then walked out the door. The last look he had of her before he left was of her at peace.
That last look disturbed him. This is not how she should be. This is not how she has been. He has been hurting her, she has recently found out that he has been flirting with other women; he has cheated once and used money meant for their family on other women. She should be angry. Her peaceful demeanor disturbed him.
Evening came. He went home and met his peaceful wife again. She was cooking and laughing with their children. She had come from work two hours ago. The dinner was enjoyable. Good food, she having warm conversations with the children. He as the father felt left out. His wife and children seemed to be having fun despite him hurting them.
After dinner, she cleared the table, then played and prayed with the children and put them to bed. He approached her. “Are you OK?” he asked her. “I am more than OK. I am blessed “She answered. “Are you not mad at me? After all that I am doing and have done wrong?” he asked.
She placed the washed plate in the rack then looked at him and said, “I asked myself, what is the most important relationship in my life? The one I have with you or the one with Allah Ta’ala? And I realized it is the one with Allah Ta’ala. I live for Allah Ta’ala, not for you. Marrying you was a blessing but it is not all there is in life. Allah Ta’ala has blessed me with life an d I will not waste it crying because of the hurt you cause me to feel”
She picked up a dirty glass and began washing it. “I realized I had given you too much power… Yes, you are my husband, the closest human being in my life and the human being I love the most; but you are not my Creator. You have failed me but Allah Ta’ala never fails me. I will not let you ruin my joy, my peace and my progress. You may break our marriage if you want to, but I will hold on to Alla h Ta’ala. and as I hold on to Allah Ta’ala, I will be full of joy despite what you do” She said rinsing the glass.
She looked at him and continued, “When you hurt me and disrespected me, I realized I was acting out like a woman who has no connection with her Creator. I got mad and hurled insults, I wanted to revenge and I allowed you to ruin me day after day. My performance at work went down, I talked less to our children, I became bitter to the children, I felt sorry for myself, I developed ulcers and then I realiz ed, I have Allah Ta’ala, I shouldn’t act like someone with no relationship with his Creator.
Why should I be hopeless yet Allah Ta’ala is with me? I had focused so much on you that I forgot about Allah Ta’ala. When you found me, I had Allah Ta’ala. We got married and I let everything be about you because I wanted to make our marriage work. Our marriage became the idol I worship instead of the blessing I have in Allah Ta’ala. Our marriage is falling apart because of you but my relationship with Allah Ta’ala is still intact”
She scrubbed the pot. “You have chosen to abandon our marriage but that doesn’t mean my whole world has collapsed. I will still continue being a good mother to our children. They will never say the problems between mom and dad, made mom a monster. You do as you please with other women, I will raise our children.”
She looked at him and told him, “Do I hate you? No, it will be a lie to say I hate you. You are the man I married, the one I vowed to, the one I love”
Tears fell down her cheeks. She wiped them. “I can’t just cancel all the years we have been together.
The Quran and the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asks us to love our enemies. If I am able to love my enemies, surely I can still love you despite all you have done. I am angry and disappointed, but I have taken my power back. I live for Allah Ta’ala, who has exceedingly blessed me, and do not live for you and the pain you cause”
She wiped her wet hands, took the apron from her body and told him, “In my peace, I am planning on where the children and I will move to. Since you have chosen to have an affair, you have shown clearly that you don’t need us. So we will not make your life uncomfortable by forcing you to live with us. You need to be able to bring the woman you are cheating with to your own house and establish a clean rel ationship. I am working on something. I came into this house in peace and I will leave in peace. You will not kill my smile and destroy my dreams”
She walked to the bedroom and minutes later he followed her to the bedroom. He found her peacefully asleep.
He nudged her. He woke her up and said, “Please don’t go, don’t move out. I will hurt you no more, I will cheat no more. I am not OK. I want the peace you have. I want to be the kind of partner and husband you are as a wife.”
In good faith she believed his regret and accepted his apology. Since that day, he has been a reformed man. No more affairs, no more hurting her, no flirting with other women, or endless fights.
She didn’t move out. She and the children stayed. He regretted, repented and submitted to Allah Ta’ala and learned how to be a good husband.
Love is powerful enough to humble the proudest. Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. At the same time make a concerted effort never to repeat them in the future.
Make a habit of forgiving, repenting and regretting. The more you let go the higher you will rise. Happiness eludes those who do not appreciate what they already have!
And finally…. “Put Allah Ta’ala first and you will never be last”