By Ismael Jasat
Marriage was instituted by Allâh Himself for the purpose of preventing promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and security of children. The sanctity of marriage and the family relation make the corner-stone of our society. One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul.
What, then, is marriage all about?
What makes some marriages successful, and others fail?
How do we know if our intended marriage will work?
How can we save a marriage that is not working?
Why is the divorce rate so high?
These are questions that many of us have wrestled with, questions which have too often been answered through pain and hardship.
We might say that our motivation for entering into marriage or a relationship can be distilled to two basic dynamic attitudes: “I am going to get something from this person,” or “I am going to share with this person.” The first attitude leads only to pain; the second, to joy. The first is seeking to get; the second, to expand. Sharing works, taking doesn’t. A house built upon sand cannot stand. The divorce rate affirms this parable. If the relationship is inaugurated on the foundation of celebration and overflow, we will receive many of the things that others marry in order to get, but they come as gifts, and joys, and not as a payoff.
Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal. It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure.
What counts in a making a happy marriage is not so much as how compatible you are, but how you deal with your incompatibility. A successful marriage requires falling in l♡ve many times, always with the same person.
Marriage, like money is still with us, and, like money, progressively devalued. In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. More marriages might survive if the partners realised that sometimes the better comes after the worse. The bonds of matrimony are like any other bond – they come slowly.
Marriage has many merits, advantages, and benefits, both in this life and the next. There is much encouragement toward it in the Book and Sunnah. There is no reason for not marrying save incapacity or debauchery.
Marriage frees the heart from the whisperings of the Devil concerning women, such as may occur to a man during ritual prayer as he stands before Allâh. Marriage helps keep one’s gaze down and protect one’s private parts. The merits of such benefits have been detailed in the Book and Sunnah in such a manner as not to escape the notice of any knowledgeable, insightful person.
Marriage requires patience in treating women with kindness, fulfilling their rights, and providing for them and the children. There is great merit in this, in addition to the merit of being the cause of procreating righteous offspring that will worship Allâh the Exalted, pray for their parents, and ask forgiveness for them during the latter’s lifetimes and after their death. Some of the children may die before puberty, which attracts immense reward for the parents.
He who wishes to marry should do so intending it to be of assistance to him in both his religious and worldly affairs, while he who abstains should intend thereby to protect his religion and opt for caution so as to be safe. Thus should both marriage and abstention be according to righteous intention that will draw one nearer to Allâh. Allâh is the One to grant success and assistance, there is no Lord other than He.
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
Marriage is one of the pivotal institutions in Islam and therefore one of the most explicitly regulated. Young men are strongly enjoined to marry as early as possible, as a safe guard against irregular and therefore socially disruptive relationships, and also to enable themselves to reach maturity and stability early in their lives.
It is stated in Hadith that, ‘When the servant marries he completes half of his religion, let him thereafter fear Allâh in the remaining half.’ Another well-known Hadith explains how one should choose his spouse-to-be by stating that there are four reasons why a woman is desired for marriage: wealth, social status, beauty and piety. The Hadith then goes on to exhort men to give piety priority over all other reasons, since a pious wife is an effective helper on the road to the Hereafter, whereas a worldly one is at best a distraction and at worst an actively nefarious influence.
The difficulty with a marriage is that we fall in l♡ve with a personality, but we live with a character. What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much as how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
Rasulullah (ﷺ) said: “As you will be, so will be those who shall be put in command over you.” [Baihaqi]
This is true on all levels. Regarding corrupt leaders this is true.
This is also true for marriage. Every person has the power of bringing out the best in their partner. Just try the time-tested formula of becoming the way you want them to be. What happens mostly is that instead of earning respect we expect respect or instead of giving l♡ve, we demand l♡ve.
Allâh (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) only helps those who help themselves. Do not sit around and complain. Make an effort to become a better person yourself and bestow your partner with whatever you need, in order to witness the enchantment of getting all the things that you long for.
A happy marriage is the foundation of a happy family, and a happy family is the foundation of a stable society.
To begin with a firm resolution MUST be made to have a wedding in total conformity with the Sunnah – small with no extravagance and full segregation of the sexes with the laws of Hijab adhered to so as to enhance on haya and do away with shame.
The bond of marriage starts a new life – let this be with no disobedience to Allâh; in the least ensure to start with both partners being regular in the five obligatory prayers.
A married life starts a ‘life-long’ fast – let it be one wherein the validity remains in confirmation with the due rights of a fast in the fulfillment of Allâh’s rights for all his immense favours upon us.
This can only start from the foundation level which is when the engagement is finalised – no getting together until the Nikah!!
To start off once the confirmation of the interest of marriage is agreed upon the girl must be given the book to understand the ‘Rights of the Husband,’ and the boy to read and understand the ‘Rights of the wife.’
Not everyone will take time to read the numerous Ahadith on Marriage and Nikah to understand the true Islamic concept of this that brings in vast rewards, happiness, l♡ve, affection, Bliss and untold success. Get hold of a copy of ‘Ashraf’s blessings of Marriage,’ a valuable tool and book based on the invaluable teachings of Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanvi (رحمت الله عليه) which details the most comprehensive & intimate Islamic Step-by-step guides to Nikah & marital bliss.