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Point Scoring or Conflict resolution

 

We at the Jamiatul Ulama KZN endlessly deal with conflict situations and disputes. Our constant advice to the parties in such matters is to avoid courts and resort to alternative dispute mechanisms such as mediation and arbitration. One of the benefits of such mechanism is that they are private in nature, and hence more protective of the dignity and honour of the feuding parties. We unremittingly advise against the public forum of the secular courts, where the proverbial “washing dirty linen in public” takes place.

We often find that the parties are not interested in resolving disputes, but simply wish to misuse the Jamiat to score points against each other. When they find no joy in achieving their ulterior motives, they at times resort to the courts. The Husband loses his sanity in his frenzy to show the Wife a point, and publicly exposes her shortcomings. The Wife revengefully retaliates in a fit of vengeance, only to expose his faults. The mudslinging match goes on, fuelled by lawyers who have pecuniary motives at heart. Little do the couple realise that they harm no one but themselves. Their honour and dignity is destroyed, their time irredeemably wasted and their pockets fleeced and emptied. Each becomes so fixated upon scoring the next point, that they never step back to realise how they have become the laughing stock of society. Should any person feel pity upon them and advise them to bring this insanity to an end, each responds by blaming the other as the cause, feigning total innocence. They cry “l am the victim”, little to realise that this is no justification for the spiteful steps they voluntarily undertook, nor does such cry restore their public standing. Quite often, their innocent children are the ones that suffer the most.

Intelligence demands that we approach matters with wisdom, rather than emotion. When we choose to abandon intelligence, we dig holes for ourselves that are often impossible to escape from.

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