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Polygamy

By Naadira Chhipa
They were married for over three decades and yet still so in love with each other ,as they never failed to strengthen their bond through this rocky journey called life. Their children were now married and had homes of their own so it was just the two of them enjoying each others companionship until he discussed his intention to make nikkah again. This came as a shock to his wife and she immediately demanded a separation, without realizing that her husband was making nikkah to a widow with no family in order to assist her the halaal way and give her orphaned child a father.This was his best friends wife and as his friend departed from this world he asked him to take care and protect his little family.His wife refused to believe in his pure intention,questioning his loyalty throughout the years,she finally left their home in a fit of rage.The next day she received a call from the hospital saying her husband was in ICU due to a heart attack and soon after he passed away.She now felt the pain of a widow and although she did not have little kids to take care of nor was she in any financial difficulty she never forgave herself for being so selfish as the loneliness of a widow engulfed her soul.

He was always a charmer,a smooth talker and well dressed husband and father.He gave attention to every woman he met beside his own wife.The long hours at work,the early morning texts from his ‘friend’ made his affairs crystal clear to his wife yet she never confronted him as she did not have the support of her family neither did she have the resources to be a single parent to their four children so when he told her he wants to make nikkah again she was not surprised, although it burned her heart she silently accepted it.His new marriage lasted only a month as his young second wife found a new love interest on a social network site.This made him realize the true meaning of loyalty as his first wife stood by his side through it all yet she was never appreciated.

She was divorced for over five years before he met her and her son.She was an employee at the mobile store he owned and they soon became friends.She knew he was married and he loved children although due to medical reasons he could never have kids of his own so he embraced her son wholeheartedly.She did not want their friendship to be based on haraam interactions so she asked if he would make nikkah to her, provided his wife agreed.This did not go well with his wife at first and she took a year to accept her husband’s decision and although her heart cried she attended his nikkah.The second wife took the initiative to get to know her co -wife and a beautiful friendship developed through the mercy of Allah.

She was always the possessive type of wife,always falsely accusing her husband of having an affair or making nikkah again without her knowledge.This was due to her own low self esteem and was far from the truth.Her husband never looked at another woman with lust yet her constant fights and suspicions made him miserable.He was at work when she called to ‘check up’ on him and she sounded furious,questioning him about his whereabouts since he was 15 min late.He rushed home with a bouquet of flowers to cool her temper but as he entered she lashed out venomous words that broke his heart to the point of him issuing her a talaaq.Her insecurities ruined her home.

This topic is very sensitive to our hearts as wives we will never happily or wholeheartedly agree to our husband making nikkah to another woman.Majority of us have not reached that level of piety and patience to emulate the beautiful characteristics of the Sahabah by accepting a co-wife as our sister or being able to calmly think about the situation.Our mind is programmed to own the one we marry alas we do not own anyone or anything in this temporary world.Allah tests us with calamities to bring out the best qualities he embedded in our souls before culture destroyed us.

We are not ready to give a widow the protection and companionship of a husband.We are not ready to save the divorcee the taunts of being labelled a ‘husband stealer’.We are not ready to give an orphaned child a father.We are not ready to share our husband with anyone yet what happens when Allah decides to take him away from you forever?We did not want to share now we are sadly in the same situation as the sisters we rejected happiness to.Now are we not allowed a second chance at life?Can we not put aside our jealousy,insecurities and anger to listen to the reason for the request of a second marriage?Even if your heart could never accept or allow it let your mind be calm in the midst of the storm as Allah knows what lies deep within your heart and soul and he provides peace.There are many sisters out there who are single,widowed and divorced yet they do not seek a haraam relationship,they seek the same protection,love and companionship that only a husband could give,they seek the same as you!Before ruining your marriage over the thought of polygamy remember the Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w),his wives and his Sunnah..

Your husband is your garment and comfort to your heart and soul in this world and the hereafter yet he does not belong to you so if you ever find yourself in this situation in life remember to Allah we belong and to him we shall return.

To those of us who are looking at polygamy from the outside please remember never judge,insult,gossip or ridicule other sisters based on their ability to accept and embrace their husband’s decision to make a second nikkah as that will be mocking,gossiping and insulting a Sunnah.

May Allah make it easy and grant peace and love to all the sisters who are co-wives,your reward is great and your character is stronger than many others.

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