In June 2011, Wise Wives Orange County was lucky to offer Laura Doyle’s 4-week Surrendered Wife Seminar to anyone in the community who wanted to participate in this privately taught course.
The tips taught at this seminar will help you obtain a practical way to finding intimacy, passion and peace with your man and the habits that foster those rewards.
Many will take this seminar because they want to either improve an already good marriage, fix a failing marriage, repair specific issues bothering either spouse, etc. Whatever the reason is, rest assured that these tips WILL help you gain the marriage you dream about.
Let’s start at the very beginning.
The first thing Laura taught us was what a surrendered wife actually is. Simple.
A surrendered wife is one that realizes that she cannot control anyone but herself!
However, there are three situations where Laura says you should NOT surrender. They are:
- If your husband is not capable of being faithful.
- If your husband is abusive.
- If your husband has an addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling.
Going on, we went over 10 gifts a wife will obtain from surrendering. You will receive:
- A new husband and greater intimacy in your marriage.
- An atmosphere of peace and harmony with reduced conflict.
- More time to spend on yourself.
- More dignity and self worth.
- More material gifts.
- More pride in your husband.
- A chance to fulfill your life’s purpose (Work, kids, etc).
- Stress relief; your husband will take more responsibility for himself.
- Greater spiritual intimacy; appreciation of how things should be between husband and wife.
- Your friendships become more satisfying, you complain less and give/get more advice.
If these gifts sound good to you then read on.
Here are the six principles of surrendering:
4. Relinquishing control
6. Self Care
We will delve into each one of these to learn about how to become a surrendered wife in order to receive all the great gifts listed above.
Delving right in, Laura Doyle explained to us how important it is to receive.
When was the last time you got a compliment from someone? Did it go a little something like this:
“You look really nice today.”
“Really, I hardly got any sleep and I feel lousy.”
Laura, however, teaches us to stop deflecting compliments or gifts; whether it is from our spouses or others.
Here are five reasons why we don’t always receive graciously:
1. We might feel like we will owe a debt to that person.
2. To appear modest.
3. We don’t want to feel vulnerable.
4. We have an agenda that interferes.
For example if your husband says, “I want to take you out to dinner tonight,”
and you say “But are you sure we can afford it this week.”
5. Threatens our independence.
For example if your spouse offers to take the heavy grocery bags from you.
She says that in healthy relationships, there should be no scorecard when it comes to giving and receiving. Gifts should be free!
“Just smile and say thank you,” Laura suggests.
Otherwise a man will never feel like he knows what to give to make you happy. Without the ability to please the other person there can be no intimacy. And you cannot have intimacy without being vulnerable. We should strive to be vulnerable for these three reasons:
1. Acknowledgment that we are human.
2. To have connectivity.
3. Building intimacy.
So the next time you are receiving a compliment or a gift, look the other person in their eyes, do your best to let it all in, then respond by saying, “Thank you.” DO NOT say anything to discount the compliment! If you feel like you need to have duct tape around to put on your mouth then do so!
When your husband is giving, do your best to always notice and thank him, even if it is something you think he should be doing anyway. You can even add in a hug or a kiss with the “thank you” as a cherry on top!
Try this: Get a piece of paper and jot down everything about your husband that you are thankful for; it will help you get some perspective as to how much he should be thanked. Even if it’s the big stuff that you may overlook like how he works everyday to support your family.
Thank him at least 3 times a day everyday for the biggest things he does to the smallest.
And in the next couple days do your best to receive as much as you can. And when someone gives, just remember to smile and say thank you.