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Absent Husband Syndrome

In many of the lectures given the problem of stern men and those that enter their homes like lions is addressed.

There are many men that listen to these lectures and think that it they are innocent because they are not like that.

However the other serious problem that is not discussed are those that are the silent killers.

These are those that ignore their wives. They wont engage with them except if they want something done. There is no meaningful discussion, no pillow talk, no affection and kindness. They interact with their wives as though they are housekeepers.

The wives take care of the children , home, finances etc with no input from them. Their only concern is their businesses or jobs.

Take for instance the man that walks into the house while on his cellphone, making salaam in the middle of a conversation( as an Aside), barely glancing at the people to whom he makes salaam. He continues the conversation for a good 10-20 minutes before coming to the supper table. Whilst at the supper table he has no qualms about answering his phone. Everyone else has to keep quiet so that he can carry out his conversation without interruptions instead of excusing himself.

After supper is over he carries on taking and making calls. The wife is ignored like she hasn’t waited for his return or she doesn’t exist.

When she becomes upset, he has the gall to be upset with her and stops talking to her instead of diffusing the situation by apologizing. He WILL NOT apologize for anything. To add insult to injury he will come to her expecting intimacy after virtually  ignoring his wife since he got home. The wife hears him laughing, joking and speaking pleasantly to whomever on the phone. When he speaks to her it is as though he cannot find anything to say to her, as though he is making conversation with a stranger.

When it comes to the children these men are absent fathers – leaving the disciplining, education, tarbiyat to their wives. They don’t take their sons to the musjid or encourage them to pray. They wont have the difficult conversations of life with either their children or their wives preferring to ignore and bury their heads in the sand.

How many marriages are 2 virtual strangers or room mates living together for the sake of convenience and habit.

Is this not a form of oppression. Should this not be brought to the attention as it is a form of emotional abuse on par with other forms of abuse.

Please address this in the jummah lectures at the different masajid and on your daily email broadcasts.


D Hoosen

(Comment above posted as received)

Jamiat comment: The situation described is most unfortunate and far removed from the behaviour expected of a Muslim husband. Such callous conduct will lead to nothing other than resentment and hatred in the home.


Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam has stated, “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. (Tirmidhi)


Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam would be light-hearted with his wives, he would joke with them, engage them in conversation while inspiring the best qualities in them. He would enter the house with a smile and assist them with the domestic chores of the house.


At the same time, he was the man with the most monumental task on the earth, that of the salvation of humanity. He was, at one time, bearer and disseminator of the revelation of the Quran, expounder on its meaning, legislator of Islamic Law, educator in all aspects of goodness, guide to the straight path, comforter to the poor, destitute and bereaved, supreme justice in legal matters, ruler of the Islamic state, commander of the Muslim armies and a mercy to the entire universe. He was engaged in the affairs of the Muslim Ummah and the state by day and engaged in the worship of Allah by night.


Yet with all of this, he made time for his wives and family. Quality time, when he gave his attention and love freely to them. We should all introspect deeply in to our own lives and consider how much or how lacking we are in emulating the blessed life of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam.

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