Sayyiduna Mugheerah bin Shu’bah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports the following incident:
On one occasion, I sent a proposal to marry a girl of the Ansaar. When I mentioned this to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), he asked me, “Did you see the girl?” When I replied in the negative, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) recommended to me, “Look at her, for it is more likely that there will be affection and love between you(i.e. if you marry her after looking at her and finding her pleasing to your eye, there will be a greater chance of your marriage prospering).”
I thus proceeded to the girl’s home and told her parents what Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) had mentioned. Hearing that I wanted to look at their daughter, the parents were reluctant. Hence, I stood and began to leave their home.
As I was leaving, the girl asked her parents to call me back. When I returned, she stood at the edge of the curtain and said, “If Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) instructed you to look at me then I permit you to do so. If not, then I strictly forbid you to look at me.” Accordingly, I looked at her and married her. Subsequently, she was extremely beloved to me and honoured in my sight.
(Ibnun Najjaar – Kanzul ‘Ummaal #45619)
1. The hayaa (modesty) of the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) and their protectiveness over their womenfolk was such that the parents of the girl were initially reluctant when Sayyiduna Mugheerah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) asked to see their daughter. Similarly, until she learnt that it was the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), the daughter was not prepared to allow any strange man to look at her.
2. The Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) were blessed with the quality of absolute submission before the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Hence, they always put their own intellect, understanding and emotion aside and completely complied with the wishes and desires of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), understanding that this was the key to success in both worlds. Similarly, if we wish true happiness and success, we will have to adhere strictly to the teachings of Deen.
3. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has taught us the guidelines that need to be adhered to regarding marriage, and has told us that following these guidelines are the key to a prosperous marriage. Hence, if we surpass the bounds of sharee‘ah and begin to engage in impermissible practices, such as the boy and girl communicating or even dating before marriage, we will lose the barakah (blessings) and help of Allah Ta‘ala which is essential for the marriage to prosper. Thus, we should always refer to the ‘Ulama to find out the limits of sharee‘ah so that we can ensure that we remain within the parameters of Deen.