I work overseas and away from my wife. In my free time I do Da’wah work online. Some time ago I met a non Muslim woman online. I invited her to become a Muslim and Alhamdulillah she has accepted Islam. She is now totally committed to Islam and is currently giving Da’wah to her family.
After some time of chatting, we fell in love with each other. I am happy to have her as my wife and so is she. My wife has come to know of my contact with the woman after checking my messages on my phone. She was very upset and insists that I divorce her or leave that woman. I feel bad to leave that woman alone as I’m the only one who she can discuss Islam with and I love her. I thought her how to pray, fast, read Quran and all about Islam and Da’wah. If I stop talking to her it will devastate her and cause her depression. Can I lie to my wife that I stopped talking to this woman just to make her happy? Because I don’t want to lose her either and she is not flexible on this issue.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdulillah, you were a means of the woman in reference to accept Islam. She trusted you and was guided by you. Now that you have overstepped this mark and used her conversion to Islam for your own benefit, you risk losing the rewards of your efforts. Furthermore, you ought to be a role model of a practicing and Allah conscious Muslim to her. She ought to look up to you to get closer to Allah. When you have fallen in love with her and broke the laws and limitations of Hijab, how do you expect her to believe and understand the rationale behind the laws of Hijab? How will she understand Taqwa and fighting her Nafs to please Allah when you yourself are actually exchanging love text messages to her? She knows you are married, she may be questioning the role of a married Muslim woman and how she can be cheated on. She may even lose trust in you due to your Haraam conduct with her. You teach her about Allah consciousness and go against what you taught her. If you are honest about Da’wah and wished for the woman to accept Islam for the pleasure of Allah, take it one step further and tell her you fear Allah and your Nafs got the better of you. You should not have trespassed the limits of the Da’wah communication and you are sorry. Tell her you are making Tawbah to Allah and wish to obey Allah by breaking contact with her. Tell her this is the law of Allah. Do tell her you feel like a hypocrite telling her about Allah and going against Allah. Advise her to be steadfast on Islam and refer her to some Muslim woman who could assist her or refer her to a reliable Muslim woman website like www.idealwoman.org. If you do this, you will salvage the damage you have done and Insha’Allah also preserve the reward for her being guided through you. You cannot lie to your wife and continue your Haraam communication. Thank your wife for helping you abstain from Haraam and apologize to her for hurting her. This honest and repentant attitude requires courage but will ultimately please Allah.
And Allah knows best,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai