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Differences Between Punishment and Discipline

Parenting: Discipline

Differences Between Punishment and Discipline

DISCIPLINE
______________________________________________________
Encourages the development of internal controls.
______________________________________________________
Child learn to cooperate in order to feel good about himself
______________________________________________________
Is consistent but flexible
______________________________________________________
Is logical and predictable
______________________________________________________
Encourages the making of wise choices and independent thinking
______________________________________________________
Develops high self-esteem
______________________________________________________
Encourages conscience development
______________________________________________________
Flourishes in a democratic atmosphere
______________________________________________________
Implies realistic expectations of the child
______________________________________________________
Encourages warm, caring relationships.

______________________________________________________
Allows child to learn from mistakes
______________________________________________________
Focuses on behaviour without condemning the child
______________________________________________________
Implies moral judgment and equates the person with the wrong behaviour
______________________________________________________
Permits choices and encourages a sense of autonomy and responsibility
______________________________________________________
Is concerned with present
______________________________________________________
PUNISHMENT
______________________________________________________
Relies on external control
______________________________________________________
Child learns to obey to avoid pain or discomfort
______________________________________________________
May be inconsistent or rigid
______________________________________________________
Is often arbitrary and illogical
______________________________________________________
Is based on power and control
______________________________________________________
Develops shame, guilt and anxiety
______________________________________________________
Encourages rebellion and deceit or dependent submissiveness
______________________________________________________
Belongs within an autocratic, authoritarian environment
______________________________________________________
May be inappropriate for the child’s developmental level
______________________________________________________
Encourages relationships based on fear and avoidance of hurt or power struggles.
______________________________________________________
Makes child afraid of making mistakes
______________________________________________________
Demands obedience and encourages dependence

Frequently drags up the past
______________________________________________________

EFFECTIVE PARENTING DISCIPLINE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

1. Negotiate rules with your children.
2. Enhance their self-esteem.
3. Teach accountability and consequences.
4. Parents must be role-models.
5. Parents must understand the life-world of children.
6. Teach children to be assertive.
7. Discuss and debate issues with your children.
8. Be an empathetic listener.
9. Bond with your children.
10. Punitive measures must be agreed upon and implemented.
11. Need for consistency.
12. Rewards must be used appropriately.
13. Intrinsic motivation and self-discipline needs to be applauded and encouraged.
14. Both parents must be consistent – no spouse must be undermined.
15. Discipline must be underpinned by love.
16. Avoid blaming, shaming and ridiculing such as “you are stupid.”
17. It is never too late to start.
18. Stay in a relationship with your children.
19. Affirm your children.
20. Look at the strengths of your children.
21. Remember comparisons are often odious.

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Parenting: Discipline

November 9, 2011 by Mum Admin
Filed under Childhood Development

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Differences Between Punishment and Discipline

DISCIPLINE /PUNISHMENT
______________________________________________________
Encourages the development of internal controls.
______________________________________________________
Child learn to cooperate in order to feel good about himself
______________________________________________________
Is consistent but flexible
______________________________________________________
Is logical and predictable
______________________________________________________
Encourages the making of wise choices and independent thinking
______________________________________________________
Develops high self-esteem
______________________________________________________
Encourages conscience development
______________________________________________________
Flourishes in a democratic atmosphere
______________________________________________________
Implies realistic expectations of the child
______________________________________________________
Encourages warm, caring relationships.

______________________________________________________
Allows child to learn from mistakes
______________________________________________________
Focuses on behaviour without condemning the child
______________________________________________________
Implies moral judgment and equates the person with the wrong behaviour
______________________________________________________
Permits choices and encourages a sense of autonomy and responsibility
______________________________________________________
Is concerned with present
______________________________________________________
PUNISHMENT
______________________________________________________
Relies on external control
______________________________________________________
Child learns to obey to avoid pain or discomfort
______________________________________________________
May be inconsistent or rigid
______________________________________________________
Is often arbitrary and illogical
______________________________________________________
Is based on power and control
______________________________________________________
Develops shame, guilt and anxiety
______________________________________________________
Encourages rebellion and deceit or dependent submissiveness
______________________________________________________
Belongs within an autocratic, authoritarian environment
______________________________________________________
May be inappropriate for the child’s developmental level
______________________________________________________
Encourages relationships based on fear and avoidance of hurt or power struggles.
______________________________________________________
Makes child afraid of making mistakes
______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________
Demands obedience and encourages dependence

______________________________________________________
Frequently drags up the past
______________________________________________________

EFFECTIVE PARENTING DISCIPLINE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

1. Negotiate rules with your children.
2. Enhance their self-esteem.
3. Teach accountability and consequences.
4. Parents must be role-models.
5. Parents must understand the life-world of children.
6. Teach children to be assertive.
7. Discuss and debate issues with your children.
8. Be an empathetic listener.
9. Bond with your children.
10. Punitive measures must be agreed upon and implemented.
11. Need for consistency.
12. Rewards must be used appropriately.
13. Intrinsic motivation and self-discipline needs to be applauded and encouraged.
14. Both parents must be consistent – no spouse must be undermined.
15. Discipline must be underpinned by love.
16. Avoid blaming, shaming and ridiculing such as “you are stupid.”
17. It is never too late to start.
18. Stay in a relationship with your children.
19. Affirm your children.
20. Look at the strengths of your children.
21. Remember comparisons are often odious.

The 2 Biggest Discipline Mistakes

The two biggest mistakes that parents, teachers or caregivers make in dealing with children are the following:

1) Too much talking
2) Too much emotion

Sometimes parents talk and explain in a sweet voice hoping that after a beautifully crafted lecture their child will fully understand and will never misbehave in that way again. Other times parents get angry and start yelling or lecturing with huge emotion. Both of these situations do not create the desired outcome.

Let’s look at the first example. When a parent talks and explains why doing something isn’t right they are assuming that their child has the reasoning skills of an adult. Children are born quite unreasonable actually and only learn the basics of cause and effect gradually. Our job as parents is to teach them that their choices have consequences and that they must choose their actions wisely. This understanding will only come through practice – practice of experiencing a consequence after misbehaving, not by listening to an irritating and distracting lecture or soliloquy – no matter how kind and loving we sound.

Remember this: If you talk too much, you will take your child’s focus off the need for good behavior and turn it onto the possibility of an enjoyable argument or game.

Let’s turn now to the second example of using too much emotion. The desired effect is not going to be reached again because by seeing you upset, your child almost gets a rush. Let me explain.

The moment our children turn 2 years of age they begin to want to be like five-year-olds, who can do a lot more. The five-year-olds in turn want to be like ten-year-olds. The point here is that our children want to feel like they have some control over their lives and when they see that they can make you upset, they feel more in control, more powerful. This is by no means your child trying to be malicious; it’s simply a part of their natural development.

I love a quote I heard once from Dr. Thomas Phelan. He said, “If you have a child who is doing something you don’t like, get real upset about it on a regular basis and sure enough she’ll repeat it for you!” This is SO true.

The lesson for parents is this; stick to using a matter-of-fact voice and just state clearly and concisely what it is your child needs to do in that moment – no lecturing, no emotion.

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