Being a girl, is it Haraam to have crushes on boys or to like them?
Respected Sister in Islam
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
As salaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
Jazakillah for your email.
You have posed a very important question which affects the lives of every one of us when we are young. Correct me if I am wrong but from your wording I take it that you are either a teenager or in your early twenties.
Your teen years are coupled with enthusiasm, hope, adventure, daring and many challenges. One minute you feel like you could conquer the world and then at times you may feel like nothing is going ok and you may feel inadequate and unhappy
Likewise, at this age you sometimes feel that you are in control of your feelings and desires and at times it feels like your hormones are running amok and you need to do something fast to deal with them. Sometimes you start feeling attracted to boys and think it’s the greatest thing that could happen to you. You may even think that its ok to talk to them, that it’s not like you are doing anything wrong or being bad. You think its ok, you are only friends. You may even tweet or Facebook or w/app them.
At other times, you treasure yourself as you remember that you are a Muslim girl who should be lowering your gaze and obeying Allah Ta’ala’s commandments. That you should be saving yourself up for the man who will treasure, care, honour, respect and love you as Allah Ta’ala has commanded. That you don’t want to be treated like “just another woman in a skirt”. You want to be special. You remember that you are worthy of being treated with the dignity, love and honour that Allah Ta’ala has bestowed upon you as you are His creation and He has given you a high status in Islam. You remember your parent’s honour and your honour. You remember that Allah Ta’ala loves you very much and that you are destined for Jannatul Firdose if you remain His obedient servant who submits willingly and fully to His commandments.
So my dear sister, I respond to you by suggesting that you love Allah Ta’ala the most. That no matter what challenges and temptations you are faced with, first and foremost, you ask yourself, “ Is / will Allah Ta’ala be pleased with me if I do this, that or the other?” Ponder over every action and deed of yours before you step forward and act upon your thoughts. Be clear in your mind that whatever decision you make, it will be one that will please your creator and that if you had to take your last breath at that moment, you can rest assured that Allah Ta’ala was pleased with you and that you will enter Jannat.
Treat this world as your prison, knowing full well that whatever displeases Allah Ta’ala will be harmful to you and whatever pleases Allah Ta’ala will be good for you. Allow me to suggest you learn all about your duties, responsibilities and rights as a Muslimah. What contribution you can make to your family, your community and to yourself also. Learn about how you have been blessed as a creation of Allah Ta’ala. Ask and plead to Allah Ta’ala that He should grant you only that what is good for you in this world and the hereafter and to protect you from what is harmful for you in this world and the hereafter.
So the idea at the moment is to avoid the opposite sex until you are truly ready for marriage, to improve your knowledge and practice of Islam and to save yourself for that man who will honour, treasure and shield you from preying eyes and indecency. Lower your gaze my sister, cover yourself as Allah Ta’ala has commanded you to and keep yourself occupied with the Quran, salaah, zikr and give charity (for it wipes out sins).
Love comes after marriage. Before marriage, it is infatuation and that results in pain, disappointment, disaster and regret. The guy who knows you could be tempted to fall for him before marriage will not trust you to be faithful to him. if you could disobey Allah Ta’ala he will figure that you are likely to disobey him also. Yes, it is haraam to cast deliberate glances at men. (Boys who have reached puberty are regarded as men and not boys, even if they are 14 years old or a little older)
Please do write to me again if you wish to have more information.
Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) – Social Department