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Advice to those who are undutiful to their parents

A Scholar was asked: O Shaykh, what advice do you give to those children who may have some problems with their parents – some of the Muslim children who do not have good manners and etiquettes when they talk or deal with their parents?

The following are some Advices the Shaykh gave (may Allaah preserve him):
Kindness to parents can be applied simply by following the commands of Allaah ta`aalaa (the Most-High) – by learning the aayaat and the ahaadeeth that obligate us to be kind and dutiful, and live kindly with one’s parents.
To have good manners with one’s parents, whether both of them or one of them, and to be kind and lenient with them is one of the greatest etiquettes and morals in Al-Islaam.
The fact that Allaah coupled kindness to parents along with tawheed in the Qur’aan shows its great importance.
And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents… .” [Al-Israa 17: 23]

Some practical advice on How to Show Kindness to One’s Parents

1. Lower your wings to them. The expression “lower your wings,” means to be kind and gentle, and to humble yourself, whether in your statements or actions. When talking to them humble yourself, lower your gaze.

2. To always talk good about them, whether in their presence or in their absence.
For example, when you are around your parents, say good things to them, even if that isn’t in your character. Say to them “I love you,” “I respect you,” “I care for you,” “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me.” Say to them: “May Allaah reward you with the best reward for all of the good you have done for me. I know you have done a lot for me in the moments when I could do nothing for myself.”

3. Constantly thank them for all that they have done for you.
Say to them: “You have bestowed upon me a great favor, after the favor of Allaah subhaanahu waTa`aalaa upon me.”

4. Be kind to them, live with them honourably, in a kind way.

5. Make sure that when you are around them, your goal is to make them happy; not to negotiate or argue with them.

6. If your parents live with you, every evening go to them and kiss their heads. Ask for their forgiveness for anything you’ve done that may have displeased them. Always make sure they go to bed while they are happy with you.

7. When you wake up, make sure the first thing you do is check on them. Make sure they’ve eaten and have slept right.

8. If you wake up before them, make sure that you don’t make noise, or do anything that will wake them, even if you have to sneak in your own house.

9. Exaggerate in kissing their hands, kissing their heads, hugging them, and telling them that you love them, and telling them how much you appreciate them – even if they don’t like it.

10. Spend on your parents, even if they have a job. Try to make things easy for them. Don’t wait until they ask you; check on them and see if they need anything.

11. Constantly make du`aa for you parents. Ask Allaah to forgive them, to preserve them, to give them good health, etc.

12. Help them to stay righteous, and make it easy for them to stay firm on the path that leads to Paradise by teaching them, by bringing them beneficial materials (books, tapes, CD’s, etc.), by inviting them to the good, make sure they understand tawheed, and that they understand and are upon the correct `aqeedah and manhaj, and the know the salaah and have knowledge of the obligatory acts of worship.

13. After their death, give charity on their behalf.

14. From kindness to parents is, after they have passed away, to be kind to their friends.
The Messenger sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam said:
Indeed from the greatest form of birr is when a man is kind to the friends of his father, after his father’s death.” [Saheeh Muslim]

15. Stay away from anything that will make your parents sad, or unhappy, or displeased with you – whether from statements or actions; especially your Muslim parents.

16. If you don’t live with your parents visit them often. If you can’t visit, call them often. Constantly think of your parents.

17. If your parents are sick, make yourself available to be with them. Take care of them, and speak to them nicely, and encourage. Make them feel better with words of encouragement and kindness.

18. If your parents are going through any problems or difficulties of any kind, do your best to make things easy for them. Relieve them of their burdens.

19. When your parents become very old, you should increase your level of goodness and kindness with them. Even if they are sound, healthy, have a job, and have a place to live, still do your part to be kind to them, and spend on them, and take them places, and come to their aid and assistance, but it becomes more of an obligation upon you when one of them or both of them have become old. You should be kind and gentle with them.

20. If one or both of them pass away, ask Allaah to forgive them and to give them Al-Jannah, and the like of that from the ad`iyah.

21. If only one of the parents have died, treat the one who is still living with kindness and speak to them words of comfort. Take the role of the parent who has passed away, and be there for the parent who is still alive in that same way.

22. If your parents aren’t Muslim, show them the beauty of Islaam through your good manners and kind treatment towards them.


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