by Maulana Khalid Dhorat
Counselors, psychologists and social-workers are normally bound to confidentiality. Even if you hold a gun to their head, they will not divulge the intimate details of anyone’s personal life. However, details of a new shocking and shameless sexual trend in the Muslim community are forcing them to break out of their shell, and warn, in broad terms, of an evil that even the devil himself is shy to practice, but Muslims have taken to.
I hesitated for a whole month before putting pen to paper on this embarrassing topic, but ultimately our duty is to admonish, even if enemies are created in the process. If a person’s marriage can be saved by reading it, and if the community can be made aware of it so that married couples do not fall prey to it; better still, if the culprits repent, then it is worthwhile. If the Almighty spoke about homosexuality – a deed so indecent that none should even try to conjure in his mind – in the Qur’an, then we should also not be shy of speaking about this shameless practice. Our Noble Master, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) informed us that if a person loses his modesty, he will do just about anything, even copulate like a donkey in the middle of the street. Sadly, that time is now.
Public scenes of absolute shamelessness and perversity can not only be viewed on our television sets and on our internet smartphones at any time of the day by adults as well as children, but rampant fornication and adultery is being practiced in our homes, parks, clubs, brothels, and alleys daily. Children have even been caught watching pornography on their smartphones whilst the Friday sermon is being delivered!
Adultery and fornication, though despicable acts, are committed secretly because there is still a thread of guilt attached to it. But we now have another indecent sexual act which is so lewd that it puts the word “adultery” to shame. It is called “cuckold behavior.” A cuckoo is a bird which lays its eggs in either the nest of another bird or in communal nests and beckons others to look after her and her children. Likewise, “cuckold behavior” is asking a stranger to mate with your wife and you mate with his, and both regard each other’s children as their own. In simple terms, it’s a practice responsible for illegitimate children within marriage, and of committing adultery with not only the knowledge, but the blessing and approval of your own partner!
This is the testimony of young married Muslim woman who recently experienced such an episode.
“I’m married to a wonderful person,” says a woman. “About six months after our marriage, my beloved husband asked me to dress up for an exclusive occasion. We arrived at the palatial home of one of his friends at about 7:00 PM, and I recognized many prominent couples, young and old, from my neighbourhood, there. We dined and the evening progressed without incident until some low seductive music was switched on. As the various couples started dancing or strolling around on the patio and the well-manicured lawn, I noticed that some men would casually latch themselves on to the wife of his friend, and her husband would fall into the arms of his wife. I first thought that I was hallucinating until I seen more and more couples doing this, until everyone was with a complete stranger! I was feeling very uneasy when my husband suddenly asked me to speak to his friend whom we invited home a few times already, and to go for a stroll with him. He would meet up with me and his friend’s wife in the upstairs room, probably with another mixed couple.”
“I was too stunned to even move. As the cold reality of what was really happening hit me like a ton of bricks, my husband became impatient and he harshly pushed me in the direction of his friend. This was too much for me. I removed my high-heels and ran to the car, hiding my face in shame. My husband silently drove me home, but once there, he locked me into our bedroom for three days, abusing me and assaulting me, telling me how I had shamed him by refusing to sleep with his friend, in exchange of him sleeping with his wife, in full view of each other.”
“I pretended to understand, and even agreed to go with him the next time, just to earn my freedom. As soon as I was unlocked, I packed a suitcase and darted straight to my parent’s home.” “I will never return to such a beast, even in a million years,” she said.
Are you shocked? I’m sure, but there is more to come. The above is an account of a modest sister who ran away from the trap, but those involved in it have more to say. According to Mufti Wikipedia, I’m about 50 years behind with my research. This shameful practice, known as “wife-swapping,” but now as “swinging couples,” has been a practice from the 1960s already in the West. However, it is now becoming popular amongst Muslims too. In the West, anything can become legal if two people simply agree to it. A man can sodomise his wife if she agrees to it, and a woman can sleep with her dog if the neighbour doesn’t mind. Islam, however, does not follow such secular thoughts and democratic principles. It’s the law of the Almighty that reigns supreme, irrespective if none agrees with.
It is estimated that about 4% of couples in the West practice wife-swapping. As of 2011, some experts believe that there were as many as 15 million Americans swinging on a regular basis. The following three reasons have been given for it:
The first reason is that some couples came to realize that monogamy is not natural for humans. So many begin fantasizing with another person when being intimate with their partners. Our Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) likened such fantasizing as being unfaithful to one’s spouse, on par with adultery itself. If a person cannot get over a woman, Islam has permitted polygamy; but if the woman is married, then you need to respect her position. Wife-swapping is not the answer.
Every person in this world has been given a vivid imagination so that he may ponder over the message of the Qur’an. He is not to stimulate his imagination by viewing pornography, erotic pictures and reading romantic exotic novels so that his lust can be inflamed and he craves for more. Since ‘more’ is generally not possible as the person may be married, or the object of one’s desire is a film star or supermodel, the person tries to satisfy these desires by fantasizing.
The cure for this is that when these filthy thoughts come to mind, picture yourself on the Day of Judgment giving an account of your deeds. If this doesn’t work for you, then take out your frustration on the culprit: the television and the laptop, which sometimes husband and wife jointly see. If a steamy scene appears on screen, both of them will open their eyes wider, but block the eyes of their children! This mutual approval of both husband and wife seeing such filth causes their imagination to race out of control and leads to many problems in their marriage. If you cannot control what you see, take a sock and fill it with a clump of stones. Swing it a few times until it picks up momentum, then take aim at the television or the laptop. Break them in 200 pieces. Then have a milkshake to celebrate!
The second cause of wife-swapping is that some middle-aged couples experience a rut in their marriage and cannot find anything else but sex to solve their problem. They do not take to sports, religion, studying or community work to occupy themselves, so they came up with a sick way of stimulating themselves by seeing others enjoying themselves with their wife. “If I can see how she screams with joy with someone else, I can also do the same with her,” is their reasoning. “Why cheat secretly when we can do so with the approval of our partner? Everyone goes through ups and downs in life, and this is just a coping mechanism,” they say. All married couples have problems, even after being married for fifty years. We have doctors, psychologists and medication to treat any condition, but to prescribe wife-swapping to create love in your marriage is like dousing a flaming pan of oil with water! It will only worsen it.
The third reason of wife-swapping couples is their ability of overcoming Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) such as AIDS and the issue of overcoming jealousy and possessiveness for each other. In order to overcome viewing one’s wife as not one’s princess charming to be loved and protected, but the dirty property of the whole world, they separate sex from love. Such people shouldn’t even get married as they are nothing but vampires in sheepskin! Being intimate with one’s partner is a sign of the ultimate love; but for them, women are like machines – to be used and duped that they still love them. According to their perverted reasoning: “We don’t have to sneak and cheat anymore, we can do it in front of our partner and can be honest about it!”
Research reveals that many “swingers” have either been abused as children, are such drug addicts that a chemical “high” is not satisfying for them anymore, or have serious mental problems. Women who agree to this shameful practice generally suffer from an inferiority complex and actually rationalize it in this way: “If he can enjoy himself in my presence, then I’m happy for him!”
If “swinging” is not acceptable to Muslims due to its lopsided reasoning, then the equally shameful sexual practices in the name of our fair religion such as “Mut’ah” and “Misyar” should also not be acceptable. The “Mut’ah” or “Fixed-Term” marriage contract, which involves a token payment and a fixed amount of time, either 30 minutes or 30 days, with no witnesses or foral contract, is nothing but prostitution. Similarly, the “Misyar” or “Travelling-Marriage” contract wherein a man marries a woman, and she agrees to forego her right of maintenance, living with her husband, equal distribution, and even making such marriage public, in exchange for a husband who will visit her at his sole discretion for whatever amount of time. This is nothing but being a glorified mistress. Religion has come to protect and uphold chastity, and Swinging, Mut’ah and Misyar corrode it. Don’t be fooled by incomprehensible societal reasons or far-fetched textual evidence from the Qur’an that justify immorality and oppression to women. If you cite a reason or an evidence for anything, or if people agree to a sin, it doesn’t necessarily legalise it.
Lastly, our Noble Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) has said that due to immorality, you will be afflicted with droughts, oppressive rulers and injustice. Although everyone in society may not be immoral, but if we do not stop the immorality in our midst, all of us will suffer the divine consequences. Let us all do our bit to clean up our environment