Jamiatul Ulama KZN Council of Muslim Theologians
Sometimes some of us might feel sorry for ourselves if we didn’t have good parents.
Stable parents. Healthy parents.
If our parents divorced or died.
If our parents hated each other or us or were bitter or brittle or fragile.
If we got were raised by our grandparents or aunts or neighbors or step-parents or others who had to fill in for our real parents who were sick or mentally ill or not all there.
Sometimes, we might be tempted to look back on such a childhood without stable parents and feel sad, feel a sense of loss, a feeling of self-pity. We didn’t experience the ideal scenario of having a Mom and a Dad who loved each other and loved us and lived happily ever after.
But many of the best of mankind were not raised by their parents or were taken from them or got banished by them. Some were raised by foster parents or by grandparents or by others. The parent-child relationships were complicated and not always straightforward.
Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم never met his father and was born an orphan, then lost his mother when he was six. Then he was raised by his grandfather Abdil-Muttalib, who died when the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was eight. Then he was raised by his uncle Abu Talib.
Prophet `Isa عليه السلام did not have a father, only a mother (the blessed Lady Maryam عليها السلام).
Prophet Musa عليه السلام was separated by his mother soon after being born, then reunited with her as an infant under perilous circumstances when she had to pretend to be only his wet-nurse and not his mother, and was taken in by the pious Lady Asiyah عليها السلام, and adopted and raised in the household of his enemy Fir`awn.
Prophet Ibrahim عليه السلام disagreed with his father from a young age regarding the father’s making and worshipping of idols, then was finally threatened and banished as a young man by own his father.
Prophet Yusuf عليه السلام was taken from his father as a boy, by his own older brothers who hated and resented him, and was sold into slavery and bought by a man in another country.
Prophet Nuh عليه السلام raised a son who was inordinately stubborn and categorically refused to follow or believe his own father who was a Messenger of Allah, up until the moment the son died in the flood.
Many of these blessed role models we look up to and try to emulate did not have what we consider to be “picture-perfect” parents or intact families made up of a mother and father and children all living happily together forever in an idyllic childhood.
Yet, despite the absence of their biological parents or death of their mother or father or long separation or family enmity, these beautiful Prophets and Messengers عليهم الصلاة والسلام all became shining examples of goodness and morality and righteousness, and were chosen by Allah to spread Truth.
Allah grants us each what is best for us and He is the best of Planners.
If the beginning of your life felt hard, that doesn’t mean that the rest of your life will be always a struggle.
If your childhood felt difficult, that doesn’t mean that your adulthood is doomed to dysfunction or depression.
Anything we experience in life teaches us valuable lessons if we are alert and self-aware and cognizant of Allah.
Any hardship we undergo can be a means of purification and reward for us, if we are patient and persevering.
It doesn’t matter what kind of childhood you had or what your parents did or didn’t do– what matters is what you do now, here, today, as a mature adult responsible for your own decisions.
If your parents are not your role models, take the Prophets and Messengers عليهم السلام as your role models.
You are not alone.
There is no reason to feel sadness or grief or self-pity. Instead, learn about the lives and journeys of the best human beings and feel inspired, motivated, and grateful to Allah!
May Allah heal our hearts and make us steadfast, ameen.
Umm Khalid
