Home | *Marital Guidance | Polygamy in the West Today

Polygamy in the West Today

Polygamy in the global community is common, normal and accepted.  According to the Ethnographic Atlas Codebook[1] derived from George P. Murdock’s Ethnographic Atlas recorded the marital composition of 1231 societies, from 1960-1980.  Of these societies, 186 societies were monogamous.  1041 were polygynous.  According to Joseph Ginat, the author of ‘Polygamous Families in Contemporary Society,’ a third of the world’s population belongs to a community that allows it.[2]

Polygamy in the West Today

The Western attitude towards polygamy is ethnocentric and hypocritical.  The point that is often misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures – especially African and Islamic – do not necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women’s degradation.  Consequently, to equate polygamy with degrading women is an ethnocentric judgment of other societies.  The ethnocentric revulsion for polygamy is best reflected in US Supreme Court’s 1878 opinion in Reynolds vs. United States.  The court refused to recognize polygamy as a legitimate religious practice, dismissing it as “almost exclusively a feature of the life of Asiatic and African people.”  In later decisions, the court declared polygamy to be “a blot on our civilization” and compared it to human sacrifice and “a return to barbarism.”  Most tellingly, the court found that the practice is “contrary to the spirit of Christianity and of the civilization which Christianity has produced in the Western World.”[3]

In the West today, it is common for married men to have extramarital relations with mistresses, girlfriends, and prostitutes.  Consequently, the Western claim to monogamy[4] is a misnomer.  How common are they?  Estimates range between 23-50% men and 13-50% women in the US had an extramarital affair during their lifetimes.  More than 15% of all husbands say they have had a series of affairs, and nearly 70% of married men younger than 40 expect to have an extramarital relationship.[5]

The fact that Western concept of monogamy is based on double-standards can be illustrated with an example.  Cohabiting women is legal, socially acceptable, and even mass-marketable for airing as a reality TV show, but a polygamous marriage involving moral and financial responsibility towards a woman and her children is considered socially immoral and illegal!  There are even some who support “open marriages”, in which each spouse is free to have “extramarital” partners.  Playboy magazine’s November 2005 edition displays its 80 year old founder-owner, Hugh Hefner’s three live-in women.  This is in co-ordination with a reality TV show on E!  called, “Girls Next Door.”  Cameras follow his three “official” girlfriends as they live with him essentially as “wives;” they just lack a government marriage license.

Monogamy does not protect women, but the men who exploit her.  Polygamy protects the interests of women and children in society.  Man is opposed to polygamy, not because monogamy is moral, but because he wants to satisfy his desire for variety by indulging in unlimited adultery.  Sin, not fidelity, has taken the place of polygamy.  That is why man is opposed to plurality of wives which commits him to many duties and responsibilities, financial and otherwise.  Monogamy allows him to enjoy extra-marital affairs without obligatory economic consequences.  He can “play around” without taking responsibility for his sexual conduct.  Legalized polygamy would require him to spend on his additional wives and their offspring.

Birth control and the ease of abortion have opened sex for fun to Western women.  But she is still the one who suffers the trauma of abortion and the side effects of birth control methods.  If a man wishes to have a second wife he takes care of, whose children carry his name, he is considered a criminal who may be sentenced to years in jail.  However, if he has numerous mistresses and illegitimate children his relation is left unpunishable  in many countries.

In the past, even for a licentious man, opportunities for sin were limited.  That is why he had to take recourse to polygamy and, in spite of some evading their many duties, he still had to shoulder certain responsibilities in respect to his wives and children.  Today, a man who has ample opportunities of enjoyment does not see any necessity of making the least commitment;  hence, his aversion to polygamy.

The hypocrisy of the West towards polygamy can also be seen in the fact that taking a second wife, even with the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of Western law.  On the other hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge or consent, is legitimate in the eyes of the law.  What is the legal wisdom behind such a contradiction?  Is the law designed to reward deception and punish honesty?  It is an unfathomable paradox of the modern ‘civilized’ world.  Furthermore, homosexuality is legal, but polygamy is illegal and, in some cases, criminal.

Moreover, on top of leaving a substantial number of women ‘on the shelf’ by denying their attachment to a man as a second wife, western nations further deprive surplus woman of the male sex by legalizing homosexuality.  It is inhuman to have a woman as a second wife, according to these biased standards, but if the second “wife” happens to be a male “mistress,” then it is not a crime.  Homosexuality, we are told, is an acceptable lifestyle in conformity with the requirements of the modern man!  The Western attitude is the logical outcome of rejecting God’s revelation that brings harmony between human beings and their innate nature.


[1] (http://eclectic.ss.uci.edu/~drwhite/worldcul/Codebook4EthnoAtlas.pdf)

[2] Peggy Fletcher Stack, “Globally, Polygamy Is Commonplace,” The Salt Lake Tribune 20 Sep. 1998.

[3] Jonathan Turley, “Polygamy Laws Expose Our Own Hypocrisy,” USA Today 3 Oct. 2004. Turley is the Shapiro Professor of Public Interest Law at George Washington Law School.

[4] Webster’s Heritage Dictionary, “The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.”

[5] Laurel Richardson, “Another World; More and More Single Women Are Opting for Affairs with Married Men, and the Trend Is Diminishing Feminist Progress,” Psychology Today, vol. 20, February 1986.

“Extramarital Affairs Are Not So Common”; USA Today (Society for the Advancement of Education), vol. 126, May 1998.

Polygamy – An alternative way of life

What is it about the word polygamy?  Just uttering it raises eyebrows, elicits snide remarks, or prompts crude jokes.  Since the 19th century, when the concepts of orientalism and colonialism came to dominate Western thought,   combining the words polygamy and Islam has conjured up visions of swarthy Arab men surrounded by sexual playthings.  More recently, the word polygamy has come to represent patriarchs in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, having sexual relations with underage girls.

While both images certainly make sensational media exposés, they could not be further from the truth.  The reality of polygamy is that it is a marriage arrangement that can benefit some people, in some situations.  It is not a practice confined to Middle Eastern or Muslim countries, in fact it is found world wide, and ranges across cultures and religions.  Polygamy existed in ancient times and continued to flourish unremarkably for thousands of years.

In the 21st century polygamy, and its myriad of implications and complications is undergoing a resurgence of sorts, albeit aided by media attention.  Popular United States reality programs such as the wildly successful Oprah Show and the Discovery Network’s TLC channel have focused attention of polygamy in North America where polygamy hits the headlines repeatedly.  In South Africa the fourth post apartheid president, Jacob Zuma, is a polygamist with three wives.

Throughout the world, the opponents of polygamy speak about the exploitation and abuse of women and describe polygamy as a backward and medieval practice.  This however is not what we hear from modern women currently in polygamous relationships.  These women speak about freedom of choice, freedom of religion and the bonds of sisterhood between wives. Polygamy is not about one man dominating and abusing several women.  It is about adult men and women choosing a form of marriage that suits their needs, desires, and aspirations.

Islam did not introduce polygamy to the world; it did however place restrictions and conditions on this unique marriage arrangement, in order to assure that abuses did not occur.  However, before we go any further and discuss the connection between Islam and polygamy it may be useful to define the term polygamy.

Polygamy means having more than one spouse at a time.  It comes from two Greek words, polys, meaning many, and gamos, meaning marriage.  In reality there are three forms of polygamy, polygyny, where one man is married to several wives, polyandry where one woman has several husbands, and a third form, where several husbands are married to several wives.  Throughout the world, all forms exist to varying degrees in various cultures.  However, in Islam only one form of polygamy is permitted – polygyny.

It is incorrect to presume that Christian and Jewish religions have always been opposed to polygamy.  Polygyny was practiced, to varying degrees throughout the history of the three monotheistic religions- Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.  The Torah and the Bible do not condemn the practice of polygyny rather some of the most esteemed and respected Prophets and Kings practiced polygyny, including Abraham, David, Jacob, and Solomon.  However while there is no condemnation, there are also no restrictions on the practice of polygyny.

All three monotheistic religions have been accused of misogyny and certainly, some stories and traditions tend confirm this, especially when women are referred to as property and polygyny is practised without restriction or regulation.  Islam however, places limitations on the number of wives a man may take and enforces laws that reconcile marriage with gender equality.  The inequalities that exist between Muslim men and women are based on cultural aberrations and are not sanctified by Islamic law.

Women are described in Quran as being equal to men, and the tenants of Islam enshrine the rights and responsibilities of each member of the human race. Differences between the genders are celebrated. One life or one sex is not worth more than the other is.    Islam builds on the respect, tolerance, and morality inherent in the original teachings of Judaism and Christianity and reveals itself as a code of life` for all people in all places and at all times.  Polygyny is permitted in Islam and it in no way diminishes the rights or the equality of women.

Islam took an already well-established practice, polygyny,   and instituted regulations that prevented chaos and abuse from entering the family structure. A well-balanced functioning family, where the rights of all members are respected and upheld, is the cornerstone of Islam.  A moral and ethical community stems from this family structure and it is based on realistic notions of gender equality.

Polygyny is just one way consenting adult men and women can contribute to a well-rounded society free from immorality and degradation, and it is permitted under certain well-documented circumstances. Polygyny is not a fixed dogma inherent in Islam, nor is it obligatory in any way. Quran has given permission for a man to take a maximum of four wives and each successive wife enjoys the same rights and privileges as the first. Women are not forced into plural marriages without their consent.

Women practising Islam have certain inalienable rights given to them by God Himself and some specifically pertain to marriage. Marrying into a polygynous family does not negate or change any of those rights.  Nor are women’s rights changed or challenged if a previous monogamous marriage becomes polygynous. Marriage in Islam is a partnership between human beings seeking to please God by working towards a moral, stable life. Men and women are free to choose or reject their partners as they see fit, and Islam takes into account the vagaries of human nature.

Women in Islam have rights only dreamt about by women in the West even 100 years ago. Muslim women pioneered pre-nuptial agreements, and took part in politics and scholarship when women from the Western world were unable to read and write.  Polygyny upholds women’s rights   and is a valid marriage arrangement that inherently accepts gender equality.   Yet the word polygamy (including its variation polygyny) creates an atmosphere of fear. What is it about polygamy that we fear the most?

Is it that polygyny takes into account the true nature of men and women? Alternatively, is it perhaps that the majority of those who practice polygyny lead moral upstanding lives? What is it about this modern society that allows and even sanctions bad behaviour?  Men and women pass into and out of relationships with little thought of each other or the resulting children.  The sanctity of marriage is passed over in favour of serial monogamy and de facto relationships.  Men are encouraged to take mistresses and girlfriends but a man who wants to take more than one legal wife, in order to assume responsibility for her and their children, is condemned and branded a sex fiend or wastrel.

Even in the Muslim world, men and women who choose to practice polygyny are sometimes condemned.  However, the absurdity of such notions is becoming increasingly clear.  Polygamy is slowly winding its way back into popular culture.  Even television series such as HBO’s Big Love and the Egyptian drama, The Family of Hajj Metwalli, are beginning to portray polygyny as a valid lifestyle.  The word polygamy forces us to confront issues concerned with basic human nature.  People and communities around the world, Muslim and non Muslim alike, are investigating polygamous alternatives.  They are looking at a marriage option with a long and valid history and wondering what it has to offer citizens of the 21st century.

Check Also

Take it in Your Stride

Every person has some idea of their ideal life in mind. Ask a child in …

Individualism & the Destruction of Community

    By Ilham Ibrahim An epidemic of loneliness and emptiness is sweeping across the Western …