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Relations (Learn to love him as he is)


Imagine standing there hearing your name loud and clear, then being taken to stand there and told, choose whichever door you would like to use to enter. You stand there filled with happiness beyond belief, finally you are home. Finally you will be happy forever. At last you will enter paradise from any door you like!

Wonderful dream, may Allah bless us all with it. But this is the ultimate of dreams and goals and will not be realized easily. The good news is that every wife has a chance to fulfil this dream.

What made me want to write about this today is the amount of times I see wives writing on facebook complaining about their husbands. Sometimes they write statements thinking everyone is stupid and won’t really understand what they are talking about. NEWS FLASH we are not stupid. I have people on facebook who I haven’t actually spoken to in years and even I can figure out easily what they are getting at. I will come back to this facebook issue later.

Now let’s deal with why wives are complaining. I am not talking here about major marital problems, I’m talking about wives complaining about generally good men who are trying to be good husbands.

I believe a lot of the time as women we come into marriage with false ideas and expectations. We have these crazy ideas about how romantic and ideal it’s going to be. We don’t truly understand how men are truly different from us, they value and handle things so differently than we do.

The problem is instead of truly understanding them and appreciating what they have to give us we just get frustrated that it’s not the way we want it to be. If you truly love someone you will love them as they are. You will understand how they express their love to be able to receive it when they offer it.  I know you are probably thinking why can’t men also think the same and maybe also not give me what I want for a change.

The matter of fact is we really are more equipped and more able on the emotional side of things than they are. Even though the price we pay may be high what we get in return has no parallel, paradise. Allah did not promise paradise to men as he did to women if they please their husbands.

True love is a verb not a noun. It’s a constant struggle and a working progress. It never stops, we need to put in effort every single say. Contrary to what you may feel, your husband also shows his love every single day. How? many ways you may not appreciate unless you make an effort to such as going to work every day and trying to provide for all your needs. It may not sound very romantic to you but this is where you need to learn to love him and understand him as he is without trying to change him.

The facebook issue, if you truly need to vent talk to a true friend or family member who will actually listen and care. There is absolute no point in posting on facebook and letting everyone know about it especially people who couldn’t care less. I know it may feel tempting but really what true gain are you getting from it except people making assumptions about you and your private life.

There is so much to talk about but bottom line is, ladies we have a HUGE opportunity at getting to paradise regardless of all our faults and sins. Let’s not blow it with petty complaining especially in public. If you need advice seek it but facebook is definitely not the place to head to for it. You do have huge weight on your shoulders but know that every single thing you do for your husband can be an act of worship and a step closer to Allah. Please do not take this lightly.

Would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts. If you would like we can share more thoughts and advice with each other. If anyone has something to share and would like me to post it don’t hesitate to send me a message(can be private if you like).

May Allah help us all and grant us all paradise. Ameen.


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