“I have had women calling me almost daily bitterly criticizing their men, reporting of months of seemingly useless marital therapy (aka “grip hours”), and at their wits’ end about what to do with their marriages. After I ask (well, really nag) them to try just one of the hints found in this book, such as finding one or two things to compliment their husbands about (no matter how small) each day for five days, they call me back amazed at the positive results in their feelings about their men, their husbands’ demeanor, and the atmosphere in the home. They see progress! They feel powerful! They are happier! Their marriages are experienced as more of a blessing.”
From Dr. Laura’s Author Note of her book “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands” 2003
“The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (pbuh) said: This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women…..The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy….
In the second century AH there was a righteous man called Shu’ayb ibn Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my wife.”
This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife, which confirmed to the man who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman who would understand the psychology and nature of her husband and would know what would please him and what would make him angry; she would be able to win his heart and earn his admiration and respect, and would close the door to every possible source of conflict that could disrupt their married life.”
Excerpts from the book “The Ideal Muslimah” by Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hashimi
“…I discovered a secret formula that turned him into a loving husband: I started treating him like a VIP! Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I mistakenly thought he had to earn it and I had to feel it, before I could do it. Wrong.
We women are very good at pointing out our husbands’ faults and failures and punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only leads to discontent and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling, nagging, and belittling are disrespectful and ineffective. So I’m suggesting a radical concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he will begin to treat you like a queen.”
By Author Nancy C. Anderson “Respect Your Husband” at www.thedabblingmum.com
“We as women hold incredible power and responsibility in our hands. We have the ability to either build up or tear down our men. We can either strengthen or hobble them in ways that go far beyond our relationship because respect at home affects every area of a man’s life…”
A man’s heart is powerfully touched by a few simple words: ” I’m so proud of you…”
If a man’s wife believes in him he can conquer the world, or at least his little corner of it…
Affirmation is everything…when a man is affirmed he can conquer the world. When he’s not
he is sapped of his confidence and even his feeling of manhood.”
Excerpts from the book “For Women Only” by Author Shaunti Feldhahn
2. When you are angry, direct the anger at the action or circumstance, not at him by yelling or giving the silent treatment.
3. Don’t make major changes without discussion.
4. Don’t allow people to disrespect him, be the one to defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
5. Defend him to anyone who disrespectfully talks about him.
6. Give advice in a loving way, not in a nagging or belittling way.
7. Help your husband to be the head of the home, honor his decisions; it’s freeing.
– Let him carry the responsibility of your family.
8. Don’t criticize him in front of others; honor him by keeping his dignity in tact.
9. Don’t remind him of his weaknesses at every opportunity.
10. Don’t disagree with him in front of others, especially the children if any.
11. Do not give him commands or instructions like he’s your servant.
12. Check with him before you throw away any of his things, he may view them as more important than you realize.
13. Don’t over commit yourself; leave time for him.
– Make him your first priority, put him on a pedestal, always.
14. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
15. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when you see he needs it.
16. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
17. Honor him in front of your children if any.
18. Always support his desires.
19. Respect him like a VIP; don’t think that he has to earn it before you can do it
-Treat him like a king, and he will begin to treat you like a queen.
20. Don’t yell, nag, or belittle; it is disrespectful and ineffective.
– Treat him like the man you want him to be and he will turn into that person.
21. When you disagree, instead wearing him down ask: “Is that your final decision or can I still try to convince you?”
22. Beware of your body language, you can show disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors.
23. Never discuss things about your marriage with others; this is a recipe for disaster.
24. Try not to argue over money; peacefully discuss future spending instead.
25. Treat him with the same hospitality that you would a guest in your home.
2. Praise his good decisions, don’t ridicule the bad ones.
– Focus on what he’s doing right instead of focusing on the negatives.
3. Tell him you both love him and like him.
4. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
5. Compliment him often especially about the things he is not so confident about to build his self esteem.
– Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband the more he will be attracted to you.
6. Be his helper in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
7. Appreciate who he is and don’t try to change him; never compare him to others.
8. Find ways to show him you need him.
9. Surprise him with fun gifts that he’d really enjoy.
10. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
11. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is, giving him specific reasons.
12. Thank him for just being himself.
– Avoid media that paint a fantasy about how a man should be.
13. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
14. Support him when someone tries to put him down, be his best cheerleader.
15. Put love notes in his pockets.
16. Tell him you love him more often.
17. Hold his hand and snuggle up to him both at home and in public.
18. Take him out on dates, pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
19. Make him feel strong and masculine.
20. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
21. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
22. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him daily.
23. Thank him for things he’s done around the house, it means a lot to men.
24. Appeal to his intelligence by asking him to help you solve a problem.
25. Always be cheerful and happy.
– Smile in his face. You know the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.”
– Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.
2. Purposefully try to understand his feelings, even when you disagree with him.
3. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he misspeaks.
4. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
5. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them.
6. Let go of the small stuff, we all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely.
8. Be forgiving with him when he wrongs you.
9. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble, peel away your pride.
10. Respect his desire to do well, not his performance.
11. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
12. Pray for him.
– Pray with him.
13. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives; don’t make him choose between you.
14. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
15. Don’t expect him to read your mind, it spares couples a lot of grief.
16. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
17. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
18. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
19. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame focus on how to do better.
– Be ready to compromise when necessary.
20. Tell him, “You’re the best husband ever!”
21. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
22. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times, keep it brief when he’s tired.
– Men can feel flooded by too many words.
23. Treat him as if he has stamped on his forehead “Handle With Care.”
24. Treat him like a partner rather than adversary; complete don’t compete.
25. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover, don’t crowd him.
– Look for ways to laugh together.
2. Look your best and keep yourself in shape.
3. Make him homemade meals on a regular basis; doesn’t matter how good of a cook you are.
4. When you go out together don’t bring up problems, have fun instead.
5. Keep your lips buttoned over the things that don’t really matter.
6. The first few minutes when he comes home set the stage for the rest of the evening so make them positive.
7. Give him half an hour or so to unwind after he gets home from work; your evenings will be much more enjoyable.
8. Race to the door when he comes home with a hug and kiss; as if you’ve been waiting for him.
9. Give him time to be alone if he wants it, this energizes him to reconnect at other times.
10. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
11. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly instead of fighting about disagreements.
12. Initiate going out on romantic outings, apart from the children if any.
13. Email him when he’s at work telling him how much you love him.
14. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
15. Sit with him.
16. Reserve energy for him so you’re not tired when he wants you intimately.
17. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you, it’s a sacrifice worth making.
18. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him like taking a drive together.
19. Do little things for him; let him sleep in, bring him breakfast in bed, etc.
20. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
21. When you make a mistake, admit it, when he makes a mistake, excuse him easily.
22. When you communicate something to your husband, use the black and white approach, it’s most effective.
23. Show your husband enthusiastic approval everyday.
– A wife’s approval is as important as oxygen to men.
24. Men live to make their woman happy… to be her hero.
– Be happy in your attitude, even when there are challenges.
25. Trust your husband; if you don’t it’ll make him feel that he is not the man you wished you’d married.
See also for Husbands: