(Without installing any extra lamps!)
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala in His infinite Wisdom has created an amazing relationship known as the Nikah or the Marriage.
Very briefly a marriage is:
- A solemn and sacred social contract between the Bride and the Groom.
- In this contract both the groom and the bride are to give consent of their own free will.
- It is one of the strongest relationships recommended highly by Islam.
- It actually turns an incomplete human being into a complete one.
Just imagine: Two strange individuals, one male and the other female, who could have hardly spoken to one another (in accordance with the Shariah law), get together after the Imam has performed the Sacred Nikah ceremony and retreat to a secluded place. Only a few moments later all the barriers separating these two individuals, including even the most confidential ones, virtually become nonexistent!
The husband and the wife are thus united and henceforth they would be known as ‘The Couple’!
Gaining entry into this relation is very easy for a man. You can say the husband is granted the ‘married life’ on a silver platter.
It is, however, extremely difficult for a woman. A man can rarely fathom what a woman has to go through at the time of her marriage.
For her, marriage is a major transitional period of her life. She does not leave behind her parent’s house only; she leaves behind the immense love, care and pampering of her parents, the irreplaceable company of her siblings and every nook and every corner of a ‘home’ she is so dearly attached to. As a result she goes through a major emotional turmoil at the time of her wedding.
During this stage of her life she has to make tremendous adjustments not only to her physical self but to her emotional self as well.
Also, the period between conceiving a child and giving birth to it are very challenging for her.
For these reasons, and many more, it is time to show your very special lady plenty of your sincere love and kindness. Remember “The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women.”(At-Tirmidhi)
When you read about the Prophet’s treatment of his wives, you will be amazed by the great level of love, care, gentleness, and compassion he showed them.
“The best among you is the best towards his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Ibn Majah)
Given below are some of the ways you can make her feel as a very special individual:
- Hold her in a very high esteem. Praise her for her distinct and remarkable qualities as often as you can. Appreciate all that she does for you and for the family. After your parents, she is the one who deserves to receive more of your verbal appreciations than anyone else in your life.
Every wife loves being admired.
- Please be generous in paying compliments to her when she prepares all the dishes that you always enthusiastically devour. The responsibility of cooking is not as easy as it sounds. It requires the perfect ‘knowhow’, lots of concentration, availability of the right ingredients etc.
These are the dishes in which she lavishly mixes the vital ingredient of love besides various other ingredients.
- If she is having some health issues or is getting too tired lately, inquire her about her problems. Ask her how you can help her. Run some errands for her or just lend a good listening ear and let her have plenty of rest.
She will love you for the attention you will give her.
- If you have little children, once in a while you should take care of them so that she can have some hours to herself. Say to her:“Let me watch the kids tonight. You deserve a break.”
The thing a woman would love better than any gift in the world is a trustworthy person who can occasionally take care of her kids so that she can have some extra time to finish some undone chores or to catch up on some much needed sleep.
- Surprise her with a meal you have cooked without her knowledge or some food item that you have purchased from outside.
A surprise once in while helps in building cordial relations.
- Cuddle her affectionately after the kids have gone to bed. Ask her how her day was, and the things she did. Just spend some time together. Try to make it as a part of your daily routine.
Physical touch plays a vital role. A few minutes a day is bound to bring great positive results in your married life.
- While you are at work, send her a cute and a romantic text message telling her how much you love her or call her and let her know briefly that you are thinking of her. Some examples of romantic text messages are:
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together!
- Thinking of you makes me smile.
- When I close my eyes, I see you. When I open my eyes, I see you.
- Words aren’t enough to tell you how wonderful you are! I love you.
- I never knew I was this romantic till I fell in love with you.
- Because of you, my reality is better than my best dreams.
- Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
These messages can work wonders especially when she is away at her Mom’s place.
- Together with radiance you need fragrance too! A flower has hidden powers! Buy her flowers. You don’t need a special occasion to get her a bouquet of flowers. Also, occasionally buy a bottle of perfume for her.
Even one beautiful rose would make her day and a small bottle of perfume (halal perfume, of course) can perform wonders.
- The true success of a marriage cannot come into existence without one salient feature. That feature is tolerance!Besides radiance and fragrance you also got to have tolerance! Be tolerant about any faults or shortcomings she might be having.
Your tolerance will light up numerous, highly radiant lamps in your marriage.
- Don’t be too uptight. Be playful and friendly.Make her laugh till her stomach starts aching! She would love it!
Those apparent goofy moments you spend together will become the part of the memories of the lovely moments shared together.
- Always give her Royal Treatment.In other words, make her feel like a Queen. Open the car door or the bedroom door for her. Stick to this practice even when you are on a visit anywhere.
She deserves it. She will crazily fall in love with you for it.
- Do not be stingy in smiling at her as often as you can. Do you know that a husband’s smile helps a great deal in brightening up the wife’s day?
Your smile can become the key to the romantic lock of her heart.
- Never use any inappropriate words when talking to her. In fact using kind words is the verbal form of gentleness. Speak to her in a language amply sprinkled with words like please, thank you, I love you etc. Try to control the use of harsh language even if you have lost your temper.
- Prioritise your wife over your Phone: When you are talking to your wife put your phone aside and give her full attention. Your real life partner is far more valuable than you ‘digital partner’ (if at all you give it that title!).
If you grant her that special favour, she will inshaAllah reciprocate to you in many other way!
- If you have any addiction like smoking, consuming gutkha or mawa (a sweetened mixture of chewing tobacco, betel nut, and palm nut, originating in India as a breath freshener), chewing miraa (or khat) etc. say goodbye to it as soon as you can. Besides having very negative effects on your health, such addictions are also bad for a happy marriage. It is said that that happiness in marriage and any one of the addictions listed above cannot go hand in hand.
If you are really keen on having any addiction then let it be one of these: being close to your wife, giving her loving glances, spending time with her, etc.
- Do not make it a practice to spend your nights out with friends.
Your wife deserves your company more than your friends.
- Please advise your family to treat your wife as one of the family members. Your mother and father should treat her like their own daughter and your brothers and sisters should take her as one of their own siblings. A daughter-in-law should not feel like a stranger in her own new home. She should feel like someone very much wanted and not as some ‘outsider’! Many marriages flop because the in-laws fail to give the right treatment to their daughters-in-law. Let there be justice too! All the daughters-in law should be given equal treatment. In quite a few cases some daughters-in-law are given more preference than others.
- Also tell your mother to reassure her that she is like a daughter to her, not only by words, but by sincere actions too! Let her be very amiable and friendly towards her. She should avoid talking to her harshly. Your mother should respect her privacy. How extraordinary would that mother-in-law be who would let her daughter-in-law feel like someone very special?
- If your wife annoys you for any reason and you lose your temper then do not take any action against her (even if you are sure it is her fault!). To cool yourself drink a glass of cold water and also make wudu (ablution) with cold water.
On two occasions a person can lose his senses: When he is under intoxication or when he is angry. When he loses his senses he can act in the most irrational and manner.
- Try to wipe out the word ‘Talaq’ (divorce) from your vocabulary. Giving ‘Talaq’ is in fact the most disliked permissible thing in the sight of Allah.Do not fall into the category of men who, for small, resolvable reasons, pronounce three ‘Talaq’s in one go.
In extreme circumstances pronounce one Talaq only and try to resolve the issues amicably.
- Now, of all the radiances, here is the most vital radiance that can illuminate your as well as your entire family’s lives, here in this world as well as in the hereafter. That radiance is the Radiance of Deen of Islam. For this you have to see that you and your family members remain steadfast on Deen, pray five times daily Salah, follow the Sunnah of our Beloved Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam, recite Qur’an on a regular basis, be good to people and seek Allah’s forgiveness. If you and your wife, both are pious in this Duniya then you will inshaAllah be together as husband and wife in the hereafter too! When a believer enters Jannah, if his wife was righteous then she will be his wife in Jannah too.
How delightful it would be if both of you remain partners in Jannah too?
You will soon notice that just like the Radiant Lamps beautify your home with their soothing and illuminating light, your above actions will insha’Allah bring true radiance in your life as well as in your wife’s life.
Finally, here is a very important question to the wife: Do you know in whose hand lies the ‘main switch’ to all the radiance that your husband wants to bring into your life?
Obviously in your hand! For this reason you have be very supportive to your husband in every respect. We have the example of Lady Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (radhiallahu ‘anha), the first wife of our Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu ‘alayhi Wasallam, the mother of the believers. She was an example of love, modesty, and strength. She ardently supported her husband throughout their married life and especially at the time when the first Aayat of the Qur’an was revealed to him. Khadijah (radiallahu ‘anha)’s nobility of character and conduct pleased Allah so much that He sent special Greetings for her. She definitely was a role model for all Muslim wives.
By: M. B. Ahmed