Nasihah (Advice): Choose Religion when searching for a Spouse
Sayyiduna Abu Huraira Radhiyallahu Anhu narrated that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam said, A woman is married for four (reasons); her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So attain success by choosing a woman of piety….) (Bukhari)
Question and Answer:
Q: There’s this guy and girl who love each other . They left each other in order to abstain from Zina .. now the guy wants to make Nikah with the girl but his parents aren’t happy about the fact he’s bringing a girl home and it’s not someone of their choice. So now when they want to do the right thing it’s still wrong. What’s the way forward
(Question published as received)
- The way forward would be for the boy to find someone senior and respected, like an elder in the family or a reputable Aalim to discuss the matter with his parents in order to find a suitable outcome.
It should also be noted that besides the reason given for the parents not wanting that particular girl, there may be other reasons for which the parents are unhappy. Obviously the parents reasons must not be unislamic.
Parents who have sacrificed their life to raise their children most definitely desire to see them happy and successful. But to have all those sacrifices thrown back in their faces because their child has fallen in love is not an easy pill to swallow. Love is one of the most powerful emotions but it can also be a very foolish emotion. The idea that love will make everything right works very well in fairy tales but rarely as well in real life. It makes sensible people do very foolish things, the results of which can haunt a person for many years later.
From amongst the reasons that Islam encourages marriage, love is not considered a factor. The person you love today can easily be the person you hate tomorrow. Relationships come and go but family remains family. Burning your family bridges does not make for a successful and happy marriage.
We advise the boy to think very carefully before he sacrifices his parents’ happiness and their many favours upon him for the sake of something as fickle as love.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Moosa Salie
(The answer hereby given is specifically based on the question asked and should be read together with the question asked. Islamic rulings on this Q&A newsletter are answered in accordance to the Hanafi Fiqh unless otherwise stated.)