Article By Islam Alive Magazine
This is yet another article that will have the Ulama shaking their heads in disbelief, or nodding their heads in total approval of what is about to be revealed in this article. We have tried to be as discreet as possible by citing examples that will allow the mature reader to appreciate our discussion. All the good advice in this article comes from our Beloved Creator, who has given me the courage to address this sensitive subject. All errors and anything incorrect comes from me.
When asked, many couples will blame their failed or failing marriages on interference from their extended families. That’s right the poor mother in law is always the one thrown down tunnel first. The next reason to end marriages is the ever popular “We were not compatible so we decided to go our separate ways”.
The main reason for a breakdown actually stems from how we behave behind closed Bedroom doors as a couple. Many may not see that, or many may disagree, but remove all the other factors and we will see very clearly that all is not well in the bedroom. For the first month or two after marriage no couple will want to be away from each other. Then as soon as the novelty of the bedroom wears off, the other factors of blame come into play.
The young virgin bride waited all her life to share herself intimately with her new groom, yet alas her mehndi hasn’t even faded yet and this young man that she married now spends two minutes with her, then turns the other way and snores blissfully as if he has just won a wrestling match with a Polar Bear. Meanwhile the poor wife, still lying there, is stunned and confused trying to figure out what just happened to her. This was supposed to be an earth shattering experience for her. Never mind she thinks, tomorrow maybe my world will shake. Six months later, and the only tremor she felt was the one that hit North beach recently.
Now, will she NOT wake up every morning feeling disappointed, unsatisfied, used and frustrated? Will she not snap at her mother in law out of pure frustration? Will she still feel that warmth that she felt on her first touch with her husband? Does that make her an incompatible mother in law Hater? These questions only a ‘Real Man’ will answer honestly!
My respected brothers, unfortunately most of us have become lazy and hasty in the bedroom! and this also applies to our sisters. However, we are not entirely to be blamed as we have not received education from our elders on the subject of keeping our spouses happy in bed, as many shy away from this subject. As Muslims we are not allowed to indulge in any premarital activities, and rightly so. However, as the day of our marriage draws closer, we should make an attempt to prepare ourselves responsibly for fulfilling the needs of our spouses. We should read up on how to use the tools that we have kept safely in our tool boxes all these years. We should learn that the act of intimacy is also an ibadaah and we should approach it the right way. We should research on how to make every night our first night. One mistake we all make in our lives is we seldom ask our spouses what they like. We actually need to keep in tune with each other’s needs and learn to satisfy each other in a Halaal manner.
Another important factor we all ignore is foreplay. We should not restrict it to the bedroom only. From the time we enter our homes from work, we should shower each other with affection. Hold each other, hug each other, help with the chores and do it together playfully rather than a duty. A very good example to remember is that if a baker wants to bake Bread Rolls, the baker will roll out the dough, wetting it several times, patiently kneading it and gently massaging it with their hands. It takes time to prepare the dough, and only when dough reaches a certain texture will the Baker put it in the oven. Remember! In order for the Rolls to rise, the oven has to be also heated first, and only when the oven is hot enough can the baker put the Rolls in. If any One of the procedures is neglected, then that bread will never be satisfying.
So gentlemen, it’s time to learn rule no.1 in baking. Never put your Rolls into a cold oven, it won’t rise to perfection!
If we can get it right and keep it right behind closed doors, no Mother in Law in the world will be able to spoil the mood of a satisfied Daughter in Law; in fact that bond will only strengthen because of the son that she has produced. No couple will be incompatible, for they will long for each other more and more. Eventually our eyes will be only for our spouses, our desires will be only for our spouses and our happiness will be because we enjoy good, strong Halaal relations with our spouses.