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Problems with my parents. Permissible to move out?

Question:

I have been married for few years and have children. We have been living with my parents for the last six years. However, my parents do not treat me as though I am their daughter. When they are nice, they are lovely and we get along really well. Unfortunately, for the majority of the time, they are not very nice to any of us. They are both in their early seventies. My mother has always lost her temper for no reason. I grew up with this and am used to it. However, she displays this in front of my daughter and talks badly about me and my husband in front of her. They both say horrible things about us and think that I cannot hear them. It hurts me very much as I love both and feel as though they hate me.

It has affected me mentally and I often suffer from anxiety as a result of all the stress and tension in the house. My parents want us to stay, however the way they treat us makes us feel as though they want us to leave. My mother and father have incredibly high expectations of me. They want me to look after the entire house by myself as well as cook and do the laundry for everyone. If I ask my mother to mind the baby for me so that I may do some housework, she usually has some sort of excuse. Sometimes she will mind him for me but will make a fuss about it. I have tried speaking to them, but we always end up arguing due to my frustration.

My husband is very helpful and will do whatever he can do to help me. However, our relationship is suffering because of all the tension in the house.I would like to move away from them as the current situation is not working as we keep clashing. We would not move far away as I would like to be near them in case they need us. I feel we would get along better if we did not live together. Are we permitted to leave under the circumstances?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We advise you and your husband to make arrangements for your own residence and move out from your parents’ house as soon as possible. The root cause of friction between yourself and your parents is the physical closeness under one roof. Insha Allāh, after moving out, you will find that your parents will love and appreciate you even more. Do understand that initially they will be upset. Over time, it will settle down. Do deal with their emotions tactfully.

It is every woman’s desire to make a house of her own. You will be the queen of your own house. This will help you emotionally and mentally. Furthermore, it will enhance your relationship with your husband as well Insha Allāh.

However, do visit your parents occasionally and serve them whenever the opportunity arises. Your parents do love you a lot. Perhaps it is due to old age that is causing them frustration over petty issues. You as their daughter should overlook all of this and have conviction that your service to your parents will guarantee you success in this world and the Akhirah.

We ask Allāh Ta’ālā to make easy for you all of your affairs. Amīn.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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