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Regrets of a Lifetime

Nabi Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam has said,

“The one who seeks mutual counsel (Mashwara) will not regret and the one who seeks divine guidance (Istikhaarah) will not be at a loss.”

How often have we made rash and hasty decisions and thereafter when the outcomes are manifested, we are deeply regretful of these decisions? 

The beauty of Islam is that we are, even in our decision making, taught to make Allah Ta’ala and the guidelines of His beloved Rasul Sallallaahu Alaihi wasallam an integral part of our decision-making processes.

The above Hadeeth teaches us that we should not act impulsively. Mutual consultation accompanied by Istikhaarah should form part and parcel of all our decision making, whether these are for mundane matters or those concerning to our A’akhirah. This teaching of our Nabi Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam is further explained in the Hadeeth:
“Hastiness is from Shaytaan and moderation is from Allah Ta’ala.”

Unfortunately, in the very important decision of marriage or the marriage of our children many of us are guilty of being hasty and making poor decisions. When choosing a spouse for ourselves or our children we must check the piety, maturity, and integrity of the prospective spouse. We should also investigate the background of the person. Inadequate investigation has resulted in many of our sisters suffering great pain and regret after marrying foreigners.
Recently there has been a sharp upsurge in South African women marrying foreigners. While principally this may be perfectly sound and correct, experience has shown that many women who have entered into such marriages have sorely regretted their decisions.

In many cases, marriage to a foreigner commences with all the promises, and the glitz and glamour that every young woman aspires for (which is not exclusive to foreigners), and not long thereafter she realizes that she has become a victim of some selfish man who had an ulterior motive in marrying her. In many cases, the news comes as a shock to the woman in the form of a divorce letter (written talaaq) and in others there is simply no notification at all!

The poor woman is left all alone, sometimes with several children to fend for. Mind you, this tragedy was neither coincidental nor due to incompatibility, rather it was the result of a perfectly manipulated plot by a coward to selfishly fulfill his personal desires and agendas. You may ask what could these agendas be? Well, it could be anything from an effort to acquire a South African passport, which will guarantee him a pathway into the lucrative markets of the world. It could also be an easy scapegoat to just live comfortably here in South Africa without the headache of repeatedly getting a work permit etc. Whatever the agenda, it is the woman who suffers at the end of the day.
Incidents of this nature are becoming more and more prevalent by the day. It is time that parents and young women took heed of this sweetly-coated, perfectly-camouflaged hazard which has resulted in misery for many women.  

A humble appeal is made by the Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) to all concerned to exercise great caution when contemplating marriage to a foreigner. The ideal would be to seek counsel from elders in the family and make Istikhaarah before venturing into such a commitment.

Rasulullah Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “A believer is not bitten from the same hole twice.” (Mishkaat).

Since this form of deception has become rife, it does not behove a Muslim to fall into the same predicament especially after the warnings have been sounded. May Allah Ta’ala guide and protect this Ummah, Aameen.
Note: This article is in no way biased or prejudiced against foreigners. It is only in the light of our observation that warning bells have to be sounded. However, it should be borne in mind that not all marriages to foreigners are troubled. In fact, blissfully happy marriages (to foreigners) do exist even though only a few.

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