by Shaykh Maulana Yunus Patel (rahmatullah alayh)
“O PEOPLE OF IMAAN! SAVE YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES FROM A FIRE WHOSE FUEL IS MEN AND STONES…”
[SURAH AT-TAHREEM 66 : 6]
Some of the e-mails that we receive are such that you do not know whether to believe what you are reading … the content is sometimes so shocking, so shocking.
But is there anything shocking anymore?
However, the intelligent ones take lessons from the mistakes of others, the consequences they face, and the problems they are contending with; and the intelligent ones avoid making those same mistakes.
One mistake which many people ‘incline’ towards is trusting just anyone. Their trust is sometimes plain foolishness. Therefore we say: Don’t trust just anybody and everybody today. …Those pious, righteous ones who can be trusted are few and scarce.
People trust others – especially friends. They trust their friends so much, that they allow them free access into their homes; allow them to become comfortable with wife and children…
In one letter … and this is just one letter from amongst so many we receive, with similar content. …No name is being mentioned.
The person wrote, saying that he allowed his friend to come into his home. Visits were even common when the husband was not at home. Friend and wife would chat away, and like that, befriended each other. They travelled together, socialized, went for coffees and teas, went here and there – and what happened was what should have been expected.
The husband is left crying – left devastated, saying: “My best friend took my wife away.”
Who is to be blamed for this ?
This is what happens when husbands/fathers do not have any sense of honour when it comes to their wives and daughters. They allow them free reign … to do as they like, go anywhere they wish, entertain whomsoever they want.
In fact, many husbands want to flaunt their pretty wives before their friends. They want their wives to dress in a provocative manner and they want to show those wives off like trophies. …Then it is no surprise when that wife disappears, or loses interest in her husband, or gets involved with the friend/s.
Some wives want to introduce their handsome, rich husbands to their pretty, young friends. Then it is no surprise that that friend pursues him or vice versa. This is very common as well.
This is what happens when people want to act very broadminded and want to be liberal.
Many a time, the contention is : “Be broadminded.”
I also say : ‘Be broadminded… But you don’t have to open the mind so broadly that your brains fall off.’
Allah Ta’ala does not cast a glance of mercy upon the one who has no concern and no sense of honour when it comes to the immoral actions and behaviour of his wife and family women. The person is unconcerned with whose company they keep, what actions they engage in, or even what mischief they may be up to.
The same stance is applicable to our young daughters: Don’t trust just anyone.
In these days of mischief, and in the light of the cases we are dealing with, even if the person has got a young daughter or daughters – 9 to 12 years of age or even much younger – there should be caution. But we find so many quite laidback and carefree when it comes to their daughters.
They send their daughters alone to the school, Madrasah, college, shopping centres, beaches, fairs, concerts, holidays – here and there – for drives or walks – with male cousins, friends, neighbours or other strangers…
There was one incident where a girl insisted that she wants to marry the neighbour’s son, who was not Muslim. The girl’s father was enraged, bashed his daughter, and threatened the boy if he pursued his daughter; whereas it was with the father’s blessings that his daughter travelled to university with the boy, alone.
The father said himself that he made sure that she sat in the backseat of the car…
Apparently the neighbour’s son owned a car and being big-hearted gave her a lift daily. So the father was saving on expenses.
Where is intelligence?
The parents refused the proposal. The girl eloped.
Of course, there is a manner in dealing with such situations. Coming down upon the child, like a ton of bricks, will not solve the problem. Most of the time, the parents are to be blamed, but they only look at the actions of the child, or the disgrace and shame that the child has suddenly brought to the family.
One father found out that his teenage daughter was on drugs. He was furious and threw her out of the house. She had nowhere to go. What did she do? …She called a non-Muslim friend, explained what had transpired and that she had no place to go to. He invited her to come and stay with him. Her body was later found. She was strangled to death. The man had drugged her, raped her and strangled her. He was arrested and charged.
Was this solving the problem? Is this how a Muslim father behaves?
Parents send their daughters alone with drivers, with cousins and with friends. …Let one cousin, uncle or some brother-in-law be going on some outing, and the father or mother says, “Take her also.” …Thereafter they sit and cry, ‘I trusted him. I trusted him.’
There are so many incidents that come to mind. One young girl of about 11 years was raped by the father’s best friend – a Muslim. He too was given free access into the home, and he was like an ‘uncle’ to the young girl. But then Shaytaan comes in different guises.
He raped her. She fell pregnant. Everything came out in the open. The parents were shocked and devastated. The man was arrested and imprisoned.
Sometimes these things need to be “spelt out” so that it hits “home”. People need to understand that trust passed away a long time ago. …Very, very few can be trusted today.
Rasulullah had predicted that a time will come when the people will get up in the morning and will go on with their buying and selling, but not one will discharge his trust, so much so that it will be said:
‘There is only one trustworthy person in such and such a tribe.’1
If a person is not loyal and faithful to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul , then almost certainly, he will not be loyal and true to you or your family.
Closer to home, we have the brothers-in-law, who are taken as family members. As a result – it’s free for all. It is as if a woman marries all her brothers-in-law. There is just no shame, no modesty, no purdah.
Then what are we ending up with ?
As a poet says :
The brother-in-law is perhaps the most dangerous individual to the security and safety of a marriage. This is why Rasulullah said: “The brother-in-law is death.” …Because the brother-in-law has the freedom to come in and out of the house, and he is trusted.
We spend so much of money on so many different luxuries. Should we not spend some of that money towards such facilities whereby the eating between males and females is separate; their sitting, joking and laughing are all separate; the males amongst themselves and the ladies amongst themselves? The doors of mischief can remain shut and locked, and Insha-Allah4, no threats will hover over our marriages.
Does it state in any kitaab (book) that for family unity, men and women, young boys and girls must sit together and have meals, or intermingle? …In fact, if some girl, who is trying to follow Islamic teachings, has to object, then she is ridiculed and treated as an outcast.
Many sisters write or e-mail asking as to how to deal with these situations. I give the reply that brothers-in-law and first cousins are definitely the most dangerous for one’s Imaan. However, in a house where they walk in and out and it becomes difficult to cover the face, one should lower the gaze, draw the scarf as low as possible, and avoid confrontational situations as much as possible. Talk only what is necessary, without creating any desire in the heart to continue talking or engaging in jokes and laughter.
One person complained to Hazrat Maulana Abrarul Haq (رَحَمَةَ اَللهَ عََلَيَهَََ). He said: “Nowadays, when I go to my brother’s house, my brother makes my sister-in-law adopt purdah from me. She does not sit with us and does not eat with us. She avoids me, and does not want to talk to me anymore. I am very upset.”
Maulana Abrarul Haq (رَحَمَةَ اَللهَ عََلَيَهَََ) asked: “Does your brother welcome you and entertain you?”
He said : ‘Yes.’
Maulana Abrarul Haq asked : “Do you then go there to meet your brother or your sister-in-law?”
This is how the Mashaa`ik catch the nafs out.
One person wrote to Hazrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (رَحَمَةَ اَللهَ عََلَيَهَََ) saying that his sister-in-law passed away. And he then began to pay tribute to her, praising her and expressing his admiration. …She was like this and she was like that, and he also said that he really missed her.
Hazrat said: “It seems like you had a different kind of relationship with that sister-in-law. And due to that, you are writing a great deal of ‘tareef’ (praises) of your sister-in-law. It indicates that your nafs was involved.” The person admitted, he acknowledged his weakness and Haraam feelings for his sister-in-law.
These Mashaa`ik have the sight, they have the insight and they have the vision, which we do not have.
If it is Haji Bhais and Haji Bhens – then that becomes an even more “respectable” relationship. Many women even remove their hijaab and niqaab whilst amidst such men during Haj.
The Haj groups today become one big, big happy family – and many of the women see no need for any kind of purdah, no need for any kind of hijab or any kind of restriction, and they unlock and open all the doors to fitnah …Then we have disaster.
In the hotels there in the Haramayn Sharifayn, many men go in and out of the rooms of their friends or family
members. Sometimes there is no male person present – It is just the wife or daughter alone in the room. They sit with these ladies or their “Haji bhens” … and then we are left with these issues. People are thereafter asking questions : Whose child is it ? I have a doubt…
Who is to be blamed for all of this ?
One person mentioned that in the evenings, after Isha, the Haji Bhens and Bhais would get together – they would take their chairs from their rooms, sit together, in the corridor of that floor, and there would be men and women chatting away and merry-making, with even requests from the men for the ladies to sing nazms in Madina Sharief. Yet these were ghayr-mahram (strange) men and this is type of behaviour is totally unacceptable and impermissible.
I cannot forget a phone-call I received some years back. The person requested for an interpretation of a dream. When he related the dream, I asked him : ‘Are you sure you want to hear the interpretation?’
He replied in the affirmative. I responded that the dream clearly indicated that he committed zina (adultery) in Madina Sharief.
He then acknowledged that he did, indeed, commit zina. He would visit the room of his cousin, whilst everyone in the family was gone to the Haram Sharief, and one thing led to another… ا
… To Allah is our complaint.
Whilst the parents are at the Raudha Mubarak conveying Salaam, or whilst they are in Tawaaf or at the Multazam, or in the Hateem, crying in Taubah and dua, some of the children are engaging in major, major sins. To add insult to injury, these crimes are perpetrated in the sacred lands. And in Makkah Mukarramah, the magnitude of sins is multiplied 100 000 times.
It has even been brought to our attention that many young daughters, left to their ‘own devices’ – frequenting the shopping centres, are in fact, also flirting and striking up relationships with some of those men in the shops and bazaars, and even in the hotels. Some even have the insolence to make arrangements with their boyfriends – that they too make ‘Umrah and Ziyarahat the same time, so that they can meet up there.
These are not fairy tales. They are eye-openers for those who have intelligence.
The problem lies in that we have not brought up our children with etiquette and respect for Deen, nor have we inculcated hayaa (modesty), ‘khauf-e-Khuda’ (Fear of Allah), Azmat (Greatness) of the Haramayn Sharifayn, and other such qualities which should have been outstanding in their lives, as Muslim youth.
See Remainder of Book: