Cii Radio| Maulana Khalid Dhorat| 26 May 2016| 19 Sha’baan 1437

To control our emotions when being provoked or being incited is very difficult. It’s a time when one loses control of one’s senses and the “brakes” of one’s common sense, calmness and composure is suddenly let loose. At the same time, how many times have we responded much too sensitively, although we were not the clear target of anyone’s malice?

Sayyadina ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab said that he regretted his speech at some times, but never his silence. On safeguarding one’s speech, Hasan al-Basri remarked: “He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.”

How many hearts have been lost in an effort to win arguments or to prove a point? And yet, as human beings it is natural and even our right to disagree, and to think critically. One of the most difficult challenges of character for Muslims of every background is being able to practice hilm (forbearance) during times of anger and disagreement. It’s even more difficult to emerge from a disagreement with a stronger bond and an attachment for the opposite party. This means that we are unable to disagree with a dignified and generous spirit, and to think critically without being argumentative, stubborn, and condescending. It is because we as a community fall into this so much, and on so many levels, that I found this issue to be a relevant reminder to myself and others.

The activist argues about strategy, the student argues about fiqh and other branches of knowledge, the community leader argues about reconciliation, the politicians argue about priorities, the businessmen argue about economics and the Imam about those who disagree with his style or approach. Whether it be with our family, friends, community members or Islamophobes – we often find ourselves in situations where anger and argumentation can creep in, sour the mood, and sully the spirit.

Below is a collection of Islamic guidelines to remind us about the dangers of anger and argumentation from getting the better of us. May Allah help us to remember that when we deal with people, our transactions are actually with Allah, and not His creation. As such, may awareness of His presence (ihsan) bring goodness from our speech and characters during times of difficulty as well as ease – Ameen.

1. Know how to respond to the foolish and those with ulterior motives:
“And when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with ‘Salamaa’ (peaceful words of gentleness).” (Qur’an, 25:63)

2. Don’t be in the company of those known to provoke others:
“If they pass by some vain speech or play, they pass by it with dignity.” (Qur’an, 25:72)

3. Watch your words. Watch the tone of your voice. Watch your emotions and body language:
“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys… But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book.” (Qur’an, 31:19-20)

4. If it’s going nowhere, walk away. You don’t have to prove your point, Allah knows what’s in your heart:
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “He who gave up disputing while he is right, a palace of high rank in Paradise will be built for him. He who gave up disputing while he is a fabricator, a palace in the center of Paradise will be built for him.” (al-Tirmidhi)

“There are no people who went astray after having been guided except for indulging in disputation.” (al-Tirmidhi)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ repeated three times, “Those who search deeply for confusing questions have perished.” (Muslim)

5. Don’t become known for disputing:
Bilal ibn Sa’d (radiAllahu `anhu) said, “If you see a disputing, arrogant, and bigoted person, bear in mind that they are utterly lost.”

Luqman (‘Alayhi assalam) said to his son, “O son! Do not dispute with the knowledgeable lest they detest you.”

6. Never dispute to showcase your knowledge:
Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”

It was narrated that Imam Abu Hanifa said to Dawud al-Taa’i, “Why do you prefer seclusion?” Dawud replied, “To struggle against myself to leave disputing.” Abu Hanifah said, “Attend meetings, listen to what is said, and remain silent.” Dawud said, “I have done so, but I have found nothing heavier than this.”

Ibn Qutaybah said that his disputant said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He replied to him, “I will not dispute with you.” The disputant then said, “Thus you have come to know that I am right.” Ibn Qutaybah responded, “No, but I respect myself more than that.” At this the disputant retracted and said, “And I will not claim a thing that is not my right.”

7. Seek to clarify, not to abuse:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The one initiating abuse incurs the sin of abusing as long as the other did not return it.” (Muslim)

“The believer does not curse.” (al-Tirmidhi)

“The believer does not defame, abuse, disparage, nor vilify.” (al-Tirmidhi)

“Do not invoke Allah’s curse, His anger, or Hellfire.” (al-Tirmidhi)

“Men accustomed to cursing will not be intercessors or witnesses on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim)

8.Avoid getting angry, rather than controlling oneself when angry:
Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (ra) narrated, “I asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what saves me from Allah’s wrath, and he said, “Do not become angry.” (al-Tabarani and Ibn Abdul Barr)

9. Never lose your cool when disputing. This is a sign of weakness:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “He who is victorious over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among you.” (a-Baihaqi in Shu’ab al-Imaan)

Abu Hurairah (ra) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘The strong person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his anger.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

10. Never make a decision or make a promise when angry:
Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.”

‘Ali ibn Zaid mentioned, “A man of the Quraysh spoke harshly to the Caliph `Umar Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz who remained silent for a long time and then said, “You wish that the devil rouses in me the pride of the Caliphate and I treat you so rudely that you can take revenge tomorrow (in the Afterlife) on me.”

Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) narrated, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.” (Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Anger is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.” (al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi)

11. How to deal with one’s anger:
“When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because anger arises from fire.” (Abu Dawud)

“Nobody swallows a more bitter pill than that of anger—seeking the satisfaction of Allah.” (Ibn Majah)

`Umar (ra) said, “He who fears Allah cannot give an outlet to his anger (by sinning). He who fears Allah cannot do what he likes.”

12. Don’t have a tit-for-tat attitude. Be the better person:
A nomad said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Advise me.” And he ﷺ said, “If a man defamed you with what he knows about you, do not defame him with what you know about him. For the sin is against him.” The nomad said, “I never abused any person after that.”

Lastly, remember that you will not be punished for your anger, but you will punished by it